My Birth Story

 30th Jan- Went for my TCU at 36+6 weeks. Did GBS swab which was positive. Also did VE and found out I was 1cm dilated with soft cervix. Gynae asked me to see her again on 11th Feb. That day would be more or less THE DAY. I think I had too much going through my mind that I didn’t talk or express much. My gynae was worried if she was pressuring me to deliver early before she goes for her holiday on 15th Feb. Of course I wouldn’t be! I really wanted her to deliver me because we’ve come this far together, even though I might just be another patient of hers hehe…

3rd Feb- After having late lunch, I had some epigastric pain. The pain was pretty uncomfortable and I had to sit down for awhile to compose myself. Was seen by boss and she insisted that I would go to delivery to be checked. However, the pain was already not present. Though on the CTG, I had little contractions which I couldn’t really feel to be honest. VE was done by the MO but she said my os was closed… Anyway I was given 3 days of sick leave so I used the time to rest and pack the house.

11th Feb AM- I was excited and hope that I would be much more dilated so that I could deliver over the weekend! However, I was still at 1cm :( My gynae then did a membrane sweep and said that I can be admitted the next day for cervidil… I was abit sian cos somehow I did not want any PV induction as I heard that PV induction contractions would be more painful. After the TCU, Kg and I went to eat monster curry which triggered my first diarrhea of this episode. Went home and slept the whole afternoon…

11th Feb PM- I started to feel more unwell and had to force myself to have dinner. I got up multiple times in the middle of the night because of the diarrhea which I would just have small amount of watery stool. I was also shivering+++ and went out to the living room to sleep. I felt feverish but didn’t really check with the thermometer. Anyway I managed to catch some rest towards the morning…

12th Feb- Took a taxi to kkh as planned but we reached at 7:30am instead of 8am (or 10am) cos I was anxious and just wanted to check that everything was alright. Thankfully we did! Before inserting cervidil, I had to do CTG monitoring. In between I still had diarrhea and had to use the toilet. I also messaged the gynae and she came by after her AM ward rounds. She checked me and I was 2cm and told me that I did not need cervidil and could go in straight into the delivery suite! Praise God! She also did abit more membrane sweep to hopefully make me dilate more.

Had to do quite a few things upon entering the delivery suite… Sited IV plug, started on IV pen G, inserted IDC, started on hartmanns because I was tachy, then anaes came by to start me on epidural, then I was started on Oxytocin. The MO and came by the burst my water bag. I was 2cm still by then. In the afternoon, the gynae came to check me and I was 3cm… She predicted that I could deliver at around 8-9pm. The midwife affirmed me and said that she is always very “lucky” when delivering her patients. I felt so assured at that time.

After quite some time, I felt that my left leg was more numb than my right leg and I could feel contractions on and off. I informed the nurse and she called the anaes and she added bupivacaine. After adding, the sensations were totally blocked! I felt much better… It was when I started to shiver like mad :( I was shivering for like 1.5 hours. Then my temperature was due and it was 39.2. Baby’s heartbeat was also very high like above 180bpm. The midwife informed the MO in which he examined me. I was not progressing and was still 3cm only. He told me to be prepared that I might need LSCS instead if I don’t improve clinically and he proceeded to call my gynae. My gynae said to give me 2 hours before deciding on anything. Also, I think they increased the oxytocin. At that point of time, I felt abit emotional because if I were to do LSCS, all the prep for NVD would go to waste. I told Kg at that point in time, the only way is to pray that my labour will progress in the next 2 hours. We started to message everyone who could pray for us.. At the mean time, Kg help me with the cold compress.

2 hours later, the MO came by and checked me. He said I was 5cm stretchable to 6cm. Also, my fever subsided and baby’s heartbeat was more stable. Praise God!! He also did abit of stretching for me. Soon after, my gynae came and said that I was already 9cm! She said that I can get ready to push and asked to bring down my epidural. Little did I know what that meant…

It was handover time to the night shift and I was still ok at that point. Until I started to feel the contractions. I would describe the pain as 20/10. It came and went and repeated throughout. Kg kept touching me and I told him to not touch me. It was when I pressed the call bell for the first time. Soon, the night shift midwife came and told me it was time to push. I was like what? She removed my IDC and so basically I followed her instructions… my legs had to be super bended while still numb, and when pushing with the full contractions, I had to lift my head up, breathe in and push with my mouth closed. I could not feel the sensation of pushing so all I could do was to follow instructions. Each set I pushed an average of 4 times. Had a little help from the laughing gas but it made me giddy. Still, it made me push a little better. I pushed for 1 hour but wasn’t exactly there… I could feel something in my vaginal though. It was a funny sensation…

The midwife offered if she wanted me to activate my gynae for a vacuum assisted delivery but of course it will come with complications. I was like, “it’s up to you” because it was too painful to decide and only she would know my progress. So she called my gynae and she came shortly after. When my gynae came, she had to do in-out catheterisation and realise I had a lot of urine… then she opened up the vacuum set and started to set it up while I was still pushing. After 2 sets of pushing, baby was out!

Finally the contractions were gone and I could hear baby crying instantly! It was the best feeling ever. My head dropped and I was in tears. Tears of joy of course! All I could see was the midwife handling the baby and my gynae stitching me up. When things were settled, I was given time to do skin to skin. Baby Jemima never looked so beautiful 🥰

Goodbye 2022, Hello 2023 (My New Life)

2022 is over and there were so many things to be thankful about. Sorry, I'm quite lazy to upload photos... All thanks to the other social media platforms. But yeah! Let me sum up my 2022 :)

1) Promotion

I was referring to my 2022 goals and it was to probably change job, to find enlightenment in life. But I guess this promotion came by and I grasped it... Though I am not having 100% job satisfaction, I think I am enjoying the benefits of it? Like pay raise, being able to concentrate on things I wanna do. Somehow it also made me feel more responsible and accountable. Not forgetting the current benefits I am enjoying... Nevertheless, I am so thankful to those who have helped me achieve this. I am truly indebted to all of you.

2) The Pregnancy

Since June, we found out that we were pregnant! More than that, it was a super smooth pregnancy. I can't remember any pregnancy-related sufferings. Sometimes, I don't have symptoms that I question myself if I am ever pregnant and the DIY doppler or scans in the clinic always proof me wrong... To also mention that I have the best gynae ever :P The free consultations, and how chill she is. Like her chill-ness makes me more relaxed and confident in her. On top of that, the medical benefits I enjoy as well. Ahhhh finally my dream come true!

We realise that we are also so blessed by the people around us, giving us to many goodies. I think we probably spend less than $300 on new items so far and I already have the whole nursery behind me! So blessed that sometimes I need to reject things heh heh. Little gem is indeed so loved :)

We cannot wait for little gem to be out! Hmmm maybe I should write a blog post when I am in the delivery suite with all the contractions and waiting....

3) I don't know? Hahaha

I guess when my career and family life is established, I have lesser time/goals for other stuff. Or I pirortise them less? Of course, I still made music and videos in 2022.. Hoping that I still can enjoy my hobbies when I get busy with work and baby :/

Indeed, 2023 will be a turning point in my life. I highly think that I will have difficulty to use the computer unless I'm at work. Hahahaha. But we'll see! So so thankful to God for all that has happened! And will lean on His wisdom and strength to be a mother! I will definitely want to groom little gem in God's ways... 

2021 with many best-day-of-my-life moments

I was looking through the photos taken in 2021 but I didn't have much significant events... Then I'm like hey! What you talking about?! So here's my 2021 in review :D

1) I married the man of my life <3

Planning our photoshoot was quite fun! We took them at PR's facility and I must say that it was one-of-a-kind!! I'm just amazed how good a planner I am hehehe

Planning the wedding itself was intense too! We DIY-ed so so so many things to save money! Woohoo! I definitely love my dance-in video!!

This was taken on 19th June on our 2.5 years anniverasry and our unofficial wedding day :) I was so happy because we got free upgrade to a nicer room which overlooked the swimming pool! God is so good!!

And of course the wedding day itself... Everything went well with no major cock up! I just love it also when KG will rant to other people on what happened on our wedding day and all :')

I just wanna say I love you so much dear! Muacks! I'm looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together!!

2) Work~

Just a couple of work events worth remembering I guess? Nursing Summit! I have never got so tired of looking at the screen before... But yeah! I must say it was successful and awesome!! :D I also met my nu shen!

A zoom performance for Nurses' Day!!~

3) Getting more familiar with the keyboard!

So happy that I have the chance to play during service.. I realise I learn most when on stage or having rehearsal with other musicians... Hope to be better on the keyboard in 2022!!

So yeah, I guess that sums up my 2021!!!

And now, my 2022 goals :)

1) To start our little family :) More importantly, for the entire pregnancy to be smooth because I have seen wayyyy too much antenatal complications

2) To find some sort of enlightenment in my career... Did I say? MY BOND ENDS ON 15 FEB 2022!!! but yeah :( I want to do something that I'm happy with. Will be praying and asking God to drop me hints

I guess that's all... And of course I wish this stupid Covid-19 will end!!

So long 2020, hello 2021

Hello once again! It's another year! I'm growing older, the world is changing! Anyway I guess I won't need to introduce 2020 because everyone knows how much the year changed all of us physically and mentally and how we transited into the new normal.

Well for me I guess nothing much because I still had to go back to work and worked damn freaking hard T_T Though, I would still like to mention that I was MC-free the whole year! More than just "breaking this record", I want to give thanks to God for keeping me so strong! Though I was exhausted, it was not really to the extend I was breaking down... So yeah :)

Alright, as usual here are my highlights/milestones of 2020!

1) Moving into PR

Even though it was delayed for a few months due to circuit breaker, I'm glad I have officially moved in since September!! Like legit, sleeping on my own, doing my own house chores... Finally I got to do adult things!! Hahahaha... More that that, I am really happy that I have a home to respite and recover in especially after a hard day at work... Like I am always looking forward to nua on the sofa after work!

I had to stare at this incomplete renovation for 3 months!

How home looks like now :)

2) Engaged to the love of my life, the sweetest boy ever!

I guess you can refer to the previous post, no elaboration required hahaha. Embracing the happy and blood-boiling moments :P

Just look at my silly silly boy :P

3) My promotion to ANC

Glory to God for such favour in my workplace! I really need to cherish it cos I know it didn't come by easily... I'm looking forward to doing more things in the ward though. I do find it hard sometimes to manage patients and the ward at the same time. It's the worst role ever T_T But I'm praying that in 2021 I can expand my capacity and do even better!

4) I sort of started on exercises? Heh......

Thanks to the circuit breaker period, I managed to do some home workout exercise due to boredom. So yay to that! Even though I stopped, I must say that at least I did it :P

5) Made progress with the keyboard

But I think there is so much room for improvement! Practice more Maria! You can do it!!

Ok!!! So here are my 2021 resolutions!!!

1) Of course, GETTING MARRIED! Omg it's going to be such an exciting event in my life! There are so many things to plan and I am thankful for previous experiences and wonderful friends who can help me through everything!

2) Which brings me to my next point which is to slim down. Like legit. Please slim down Maria. I'm sure you won't want to look fat in your photos T_T

3) To know that I am pregnant before 2021 ends... Ok, it's a pretty absurd request to be honest hahaha. Cos I have not gone real traveling with KG yet :/ But we'll see. God plan is always better than our plans!

4) To work on my Procreate skills :P I recently bought the iPad Air and Apple Pencil and downloaded Procreate! It's one of the best app ever! Looking forward to create more beautiful art pieces. 2 weeks in, I'm already quite impressed with myself heh...

Well I guess over the years my priorities change :) But well, I hope I will still remain happy and healthy!!! WOOHOO! 2021 HERE I COME!

A Milestone :)

After being officially together for 20 months, he finally proposed :) Though we have been talking about spending our future together and going to get married, I'm glad it's somewhat official! HEHEHE. I'm not trying to make this engagement a big deal but more of a milestone in my life.

So this was the plot. We agreed to go to GBTB to take photos (what we usually do). And was supposed to go to some secluded roadside to take photos with my new bike. Oops I have yet to introduce Mrs Potts here. Heh... He initially planned to propose in flower dome itself. But it was wayyyy to crowded! Then we finally found a little spot outside. To be honest, I was already suspicious the moment we met. HAHAHA. The way he was dressing up, the things he brought, the places he offered to go after we exited the flower dome. Somehow, I was secretly hoping it won't happen because I was a little embarrassed and shy and "afraid" of surprises.. Hahahaha...

So as you can see, I am a little obsessed with the photo editing. I'm SO IMPRESSED with the photos!

At this point of time we were done taking photos so I thought okay~ Maybe another day perhaps... Anyway my heart wasn't so prepared... We were sort of packing up, until he said SURPRISE! In my heart I was like oh shit oh shit! And he presented a happy 20th month photo book. My mind was everywhere so I didn't take a good look at the book at that point in time. But now after flipping though it slowly, it's like the best gift I've ever received :') It was handmade so sweet. Wrapped in gift wrapping paper HAHA. And this silly boy still bought a poloroid printer so that he could attach the photos into the book. So of course the last page was what I had expected... It said, "Will you marry me?". I was too shy to say yes, but I said "You know the answer". Ok I'm such a loser :/ And he presented me with flowers and a ring...

Fortunately I had such a request to have the proposal recorded... So yes he recorded with this very same camera and we can look back at the video anytime we want :) And I enjoyed watching how nervous he was through his gestures :P This silly boy also went all out to get a real diamond for me. I told him that I will settle with fake/man-made diamond because I didn't want him to spend so much money! But anyway I still love it and I love sparkling stones from now! HAHAHA.

So yeah.... My favourite photo of this series. I am REALLY IMPRESSED with the photos hehehe...

Thank you dear for making the effort to organise this significant event for us. You have put in so much effort physically and mentally and I love it 100% ok! It is the BESTEST BEST thing I've received in my life! Muacks!! Here's to our future!!!

God is love, and love's a gift He's planted

In the hearts of those who pledge themselves in love

My prince will come whenever God sets the time

Hearts will then beat as one like verses in rhyme

O Lord, You know me and my place

You plan it all in wondrous ways

Whoever is Your choice for me

You already know his face

Yes, you have seen his face...

Being Genuine and Sincere

I guess those are my strengths. Just mentioning what I am good at to boost my morale.. After working for almost 10 years as a staff nurse, I'm stuck in the same shit, however being condemned for what I am not good at. Who knows, if I were to be having another kind of job and working for 10 years, with a first class honours and having excellent performance at work (eg. doing shit my manager gives me, faithfully turning up for work), I would maybe take a managerial position or be someone well-recognised? Maybe? Come to think of it. My seniors at work who worked for 10 years were promoted and not treated like shit (or at least it seemed that way).

Recently I had conversations with random colleagues. Despite my weakness, they know my love for patients. You know, with one look you can tell if a nurse is just doing her work for the sake of doing it rather than out of love. I guess this is one perfect gift God has given to me and I will take note of it and treasure it :)

Okay, sorry for boasting but the egoistic person in me just love to burst out. I can't express it to anyone otherwise I will be known to be proud and snobbish so I am expressing it here. Heh... I've been doing some random research as my bond is going to end in 1 year and 9 months' time! Gosh! That is fast! But before resigning, I guess I want to deliver here to benefit from the benefits heh... Anyway, there are couple of things I would like to do. Work in a hospice, work in a nursing home, become a care manager in a day center, go into teaching. I just pray and hope the pay can sustain me though :/ I have not moved house yet, but I'm feeling the pinch by paying for maintenance fee, electrical and water bills, and in the future, internet bills.

Anyway I am emotionally ok now! But weeks back, I recorded You Say. I really appreciate the lyrics and it was SPOT ON how I was feeling at that time when I realised I failed my interview!

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me

In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity

Taking all I have and now I'm layin' it at Your feet

You'll have every failure God, You'll have every victory

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And You say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours

Feeling like shit...

I think right at this moment I am feeling the most shittiest I have ever felt in a long while :( I mean, I'm human right? I didn't make it for ANC promotion. This is the first promotion which requires an interview and I failed :( Thus the shitty feeling. A few colleagues had so much hope in me and genuinely believe that I could make it. But oh well I guess I let them down. I mean if the management monsters are really out to demoralise and not inspire your staff, then you can continue to do that. Got to admit I didn't exactly do well in selling myself. Like what Malcolm said, Singapore is all about selling. None of the interviewers knew all the shit I did nor how I had always turn up for work nor saw me at my best. I want to say that my resume had so many things that I did. Argh :(

As I began to express myself to the people close to me. I just thought that maybe this is not the place for me to stay. And maybe not promoting me makes it much easier to leave? God I'm not really sure what you have in stored for me. But I trust you and believe in what you want to do for my life. I still dream to work in a hospice and I guess maybe it's time to move on. It's time to create a new and better impression somewhere else, where I can be appreciated and where my ideas and intentions tally with the management. Of course I am very grateful to have grown and be nurtured here... But for now it's a torture to go to work T_T Getting picked on and all that. If I stick on to my beliefs, kenna. Don't stick to be beliefs also kenna :(

Anyway it's the covid-19 period and everyone's staying home except essential workers aka me :( They were asking for volunteers to help out in the foreign worker dormitories. I almost made it but at the last minute they rejected the ward nurses :( Maybe God wants to protect me, maybe He knows how horrible is to be in PPE all day, maybe He has other plans! I hope this period will be over soon!! I hope to update more here. Feel abit sian in writing actually. Heh....

I will end off this blog post with an encouraging verse!
1 Thessalonians 5:18 "in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (NAS)

Also, I hope the older me reading this blog post will laugh at my silliness, telling me now that the future me is doing awesome things in life! :)