I Got It?

Praise God! This is definitely one of the milestones I got in 2019! I couldn't be more happier T_T Before creating this post, I also mentioned about being suspicious that I got this award in April. God is really so so so good!! To be honest, I didn't know it was such a grand award until quite a number of people came up to me and congratulated me hahaha... As if it was like my wedding :P

I must say that I still struggle with work on a daily basis with certain colleagues, but I'm always leaning on God's strength to make me a better nurse and person... Or probably I need to spread a positive culture to the people. I need to thank my mom for always helping me wash my uniform and cooking yummy food for me, so that I could excel in work hehe...

Presenting the other KKH nurses who go the award as well! Congrats!

Not forgetting, the lady who nominated me!! I guess in her own way, she is a good leader :) She knows what my talent and potential is, and allowed it to be maximised... I do miss those pre-forum days, where we worked so so hard in Ward 71's NM room hahaha. I can never thank her enough :)

I guess this award and even being a nurse means so so much to be because I was trying damn hard to hold back my tears while the speech by the Chief Nurse Officer was going on... She just merely mentioned the qualities of a nurse and that patients are at the heart of all we do. Indeed, I can really relate so so much with that. It really brings me great pleasure to serve my patients even though I have to do low class stuff like clean their shit/urine, get bad attitude from sucky support staffs and the list goes on... At least now I can't really say that I get irritating and rude patients cos they are all so lovable in 43 :)

Since I'm at this "passionate" topic, let me mention about my patient J who has been with the Lord about 2 months ago... I'm not sure why, but I've developed a strong relationship with her over the past few weeks she stayed with us. Probably because I got to know her in day therapy last year... More than that, I also got to build a good relation with one of her daughter, who was ever so willing learn stuff, just for her mom to be happy and comfortable. As I assisted with her terminal discharge, J's last wish was to go to Sentosa from the hospital for a staycation the family had booked beforehand. In my heart, I thought that it was so impossible as she required oxygen and always had to change diapers! As she left the ward, I could not help myself but broke into tears and I caressed J's face and hugged her. The crying was so bad that I made her daughter cry as well. We exchanged hugs as it was my way to comfort her and support her... Who knew.. J managed to stay alive for the 3D2N staycation and passed on peacefully and happily 2 days after she got home.

I didn't hear much from J until her daughter came by with chocolates and a hand-written card about 3 weeks after she passed on. I must say it was God's plan because she could have come by the way while I was on my vacation or not on shift. But I had the chance to see her and received closure! Her daughter shared with me the moments they spent in Sentosa with J for the last time and that she passed on peacefully. Then, she told me that her ashes were placed at the church near my house! What are the chances! Now, I can visit and say hello to her when I want to (I have yet to do it though hehe)! But I will do it soon! For now, I'm happy that J is in a happy place and I will fondly think of her!

I guess such stories keeps me going as a nurse. Being there for patients, or if possible, being there for their families. At the meantime, I'm still giving love to my patients in the ward :) Allow me to quote something I mentioned in the merit award booklet:

"I have never regretted becoming an oncology nurse. It is fulfilling as I get to accompany patients through their cancer journey. Holding their hands is my way of showing my patients that I am here for them and being with them at their last days is so special to me. Though I may not be their family member, I know I have made a difference in their lives :')"

I guess when I'm so sick of management crap, I have this to look back to :) Thanking God for giving me the strength day by day :)

It has been 8 years

It has been 8 years since I joined nursing.. Wow. Congratulations to myself. I did it!! I stayed on and I'm still bonded until 2022 which will be my 12th year in nursing. Come to think of it, it was a journey full of ups and down. One thing for sure... I have aged and become less energetic and more tired T_T

Today, I was on afternoon shift and super shagged because I only slept for like 2.5 hours on my post night. However, 3 patients separately asked me if I had dinner. So sweet of them! It was nice of them to engage a conversation or check on me... I realise I have sort of stopped being chatty to patients because I'm just too tired to talk to anyone hehe. But maybe I should really talk to them once again, get into their lives, make friends etc! I do feel bad when patients remember me by my name but I only know their face and not their name... Time to get personally connected with them...

One more thing to add... I have been nominated for the nursing merit award thing. I'm not very sure if I will be awarded but if I do, I think I will be happy and make myself work better without complaining? Haha. You see, for the past many years, I have always regarded myself as always coming to work. Hardly taking any sick leave. Sometimes I really find it unfair. Why do my colleagues always take sick leave but me. I'm always coming to work with sometimes super short handed staffing. Whereas colleagues who is down with a tiny flu or cramps or whatever get to rest at home. I somehow do want that rest to :( Everytime my managers give me "extra" work to do, I will always complain- I am already faithfully coming to work every single day. Why must I still stay back and do extra work and all that? Well, I guess if I get this reward then it will be worth it? Maybe this award will affirm my passion in nursing and let me stay on? Still I won't say I'm the best person at work. I make mistakes, I screw up, I get lazy sometimes...

I just hope I can do more for the cancer patients. Time to get my head thinking once again!! God give me wisdom and strength!

What I Look Forward to in 2019

The year has not been too bad so far while working in 43 :) Getting my momentum going... A little tired though, as tomorrow will be my 3rd consecutive morning working! Praying for strength!! Nevertheless, I am VERY happy to be back in 43!

So here is what I am looking forward in 2019!

1) More adventures with dear dear :)

Can't wait to spend time with him more and understand more about each other!

2) Moving to Parc Riveria

TOP is in Sep 2019 so I'm really, really excited to be setting up my new home and living on my own! But I foresee myself getting busy with house chores, parties and struggling financially! Heh... But all will be good!! Most importantly, I want to laze on my hammock/sofa everyday!

3) If all is good financially, I am looking forward to the change of phone. Hahaha.

I know it sounds pretty superficial but I really, really dislike using the iPhone :( Back to Android it is!

4) Hokkaido trip with Malcolm in June!! (no elaboration required)

5) Have a true sense of achievement in working right now!! And on top of that, attempt to start on some sort of academic studies for the better of patients!

It's pretty weird that for the past few days, I have always been thinking about work while resting at home. It's like I just can't get my mind off it! And I secretly look forward to work!! I'm starting to feel what I used to feel when I was in 43 previously or maybe even better! Yeah!! I think very soon I might be a workaholic! Whoops!

Looks like 2019 started well! Hope that this year will be my favourite year yet!!

2018 In Review

At a blink of an eye, 2018 went by just like that... And my writing got worse because I don't read and write anything anymore. I guess I would categorize 2018 as a rather painful year, a year that I lost myself. But I would proudly like to say that it ended really well :)

Nevertheless, significant stuff to remember in 2018!

1) Malcolm came back as an expat!! He had been away since 2006 and I spent more time with Malcolm in 2018 as compared to over the past 10 years he was away!

What was more awesome was that I got to pretend to be the partner of an expat's wife and life in the city!! Air-con all day long, having house keepers to make the bed and clean the apartment. Walking downstairs to supermarkets and restaurants. Ahhhh thinking about it now makes me miss the hi-life.

If I'm not wrong this was one of my meal before my night shift. Heh..

2) I managed to get my ass together and organised some successful educational programmes for my cancer patients!

I really need to acknowledge this as an achievement because it is REALLY not easy to put this up, ALL BY MYSELF. A lot of people tell me that I need to delegate etc. But even if I delegate, I need to follow up and "pester" the person whom I delegated the job to. So, I did it all. With some help my colleagues of course :) I don't know about this year but let's keep everything positive!!

3) I got into a relationship :)

I couldn't ask for anyone better :) Guan is someone with a really big heart and always after God's heart. I really wonder why isn't he married yet. But I just want to say that I'm SUPER DUPER BLESSED to have him! Hehehe. Not sharing much about him on social media but here :P

Dear, I can't wait to spend my whole life with you!! Thank you for all the love you have given to me!

Ok, I better stop getting mushy hehe...

4) I got to realise that Ward 71 really isn't the ward for me :(

I always dread to go to work everyday. Patients just piss me off most of the time. Colleagues get super annoying and irritating as well. Never seen such a "bad" environment in my life before. Very toxic. And I'm very afraid that I might have captured the bad attitude from them. I pray not! But for now, I AM SO HAPPY THAT I'M OUT OF THAT PLACE!!!

Happy that 2018 is over and believing that 2019 will be an awesome year!! Give me a few days to compose myself and write down my new year's resolution yeah...

At the meantime, I'm praying/wishing for everything to be well in Jesus' name!