2021 with many best-day-of-my-life moments

I was looking through the photos taken in 2021 but I didn't have much significant events... Then I'm like hey! What you talking about?! So here's my 2021 in review :D

1) I married the man of my life <3

Planning our photoshoot was quite fun! We took them at PR's facility and I must say that it was one-of-a-kind!! I'm just amazed how good a planner I am hehehe

Planning the wedding itself was intense too! We DIY-ed so so so many things to save money! Woohoo! I definitely love my dance-in video!!

This was taken on 19th June on our 2.5 years anniverasry and our unofficial wedding day :) I was so happy because we got free upgrade to a nicer room which overlooked the swimming pool! God is so good!!

And of course the wedding day itself... Everything went well with no major cock up! I just love it also when KG will rant to other people on what happened on our wedding day and all :')

I just wanna say I love you so much dear! Muacks! I'm looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together!!

2) Work~

Just a couple of work events worth remembering I guess? Nursing Summit! I have never got so tired of looking at the screen before... But yeah! I must say it was successful and awesome!! :D I also met my nu shen!

A zoom performance for Nurses' Day!!~

3) Getting more familiar with the keyboard!

So happy that I have the chance to play during service.. I realise I learn most when on stage or having rehearsal with other musicians... Hope to be better on the keyboard in 2022!!

So yeah, I guess that sums up my 2021!!!

And now, my 2022 goals :)

1) To start our little family :) More importantly, for the entire pregnancy to be smooth because I have seen wayyyy too much antenatal complications

2) To find some sort of enlightenment in my career... Did I say? MY BOND ENDS ON 15 FEB 2022!!! but yeah :( I want to do something that I'm happy with. Will be praying and asking God to drop me hints

I guess that's all... And of course I wish this stupid Covid-19 will end!!

So long 2020, hello 2021

Hello once again! It's another year! I'm growing older, the world is changing! Anyway I guess I won't need to introduce 2020 because everyone knows how much the year changed all of us physically and mentally and how we transited into the new normal.

Well for me I guess nothing much because I still had to go back to work and worked damn freaking hard T_T Though, I would still like to mention that I was MC-free the whole year! More than just "breaking this record", I want to give thanks to God for keeping me so strong! Though I was exhausted, it was not really to the extend I was breaking down... So yeah :)

Alright, as usual here are my highlights/milestones of 2020!

1) Moving into PR

Even though it was delayed for a few months due to circuit breaker, I'm glad I have officially moved in since September!! Like legit, sleeping on my own, doing my own house chores... Finally I got to do adult things!! Hahahaha... More that that, I am really happy that I have a home to respite and recover in especially after a hard day at work... Like I am always looking forward to nua on the sofa after work!

I had to stare at this incomplete renovation for 3 months!

How home looks like now :)

2) Engaged to the love of my life, the sweetest boy ever!

I guess you can refer to the previous post, no elaboration required hahaha. Embracing the happy and blood-boiling moments :P

Just look at my silly silly boy :P

3) My promotion to ANC

Glory to God for such favour in my workplace! I really need to cherish it cos I know it didn't come by easily... I'm looking forward to doing more things in the ward though. I do find it hard sometimes to manage patients and the ward at the same time. It's the worst role ever T_T But I'm praying that in 2021 I can expand my capacity and do even better!

4) I sort of started on exercises? Heh......

Thanks to the circuit breaker period, I managed to do some home workout exercise due to boredom. So yay to that! Even though I stopped, I must say that at least I did it :P

5) Made progress with the keyboard

But I think there is so much room for improvement! Practice more Maria! You can do it!!

Ok!!! So here are my 2021 resolutions!!!

1) Of course, GETTING MARRIED! Omg it's going to be such an exciting event in my life! There are so many things to plan and I am thankful for previous experiences and wonderful friends who can help me through everything!

2) Which brings me to my next point which is to slim down. Like legit. Please slim down Maria. I'm sure you won't want to look fat in your photos T_T

3) To know that I am pregnant before 2021 ends... Ok, it's a pretty absurd request to be honest hahaha. Cos I have not gone real traveling with KG yet :/ But we'll see. God plan is always better than our plans!

4) To work on my Procreate skills :P I recently bought the iPad Air and Apple Pencil and downloaded Procreate! It's one of the best app ever! Looking forward to create more beautiful art pieces. 2 weeks in, I'm already quite impressed with myself heh...

Well I guess over the years my priorities change :) But well, I hope I will still remain happy and healthy!!! WOOHOO! 2021 HERE I COME!

A Milestone :)

After being officially together for 20 months, he finally proposed :) Though we have been talking about spending our future together and going to get married, I'm glad it's somewhat official! HEHEHE. I'm not trying to make this engagement a big deal but more of a milestone in my life.

So this was the plot. We agreed to go to GBTB to take photos (what we usually do). And was supposed to go to some secluded roadside to take photos with my new bike. Oops I have yet to introduce Mrs Potts here. Heh... He initially planned to propose in flower dome itself. But it was wayyyy to crowded! Then we finally found a little spot outside. To be honest, I was already suspicious the moment we met. HAHAHA. The way he was dressing up, the things he brought, the places he offered to go after we exited the flower dome. Somehow, I was secretly hoping it won't happen because I was a little embarrassed and shy and "afraid" of surprises.. Hahahaha...

So as you can see, I am a little obsessed with the photo editing. I'm SO IMPRESSED with the photos!

At this point of time we were done taking photos so I thought okay~ Maybe another day perhaps... Anyway my heart wasn't so prepared... We were sort of packing up, until he said SURPRISE! In my heart I was like oh shit oh shit! And he presented a happy 20th month photo book. My mind was everywhere so I didn't take a good look at the book at that point in time. But now after flipping though it slowly, it's like the best gift I've ever received :') It was handmade so sweet. Wrapped in gift wrapping paper HAHA. And this silly boy still bought a poloroid printer so that he could attach the photos into the book. So of course the last page was what I had expected... It said, "Will you marry me?". I was too shy to say yes, but I said "You know the answer". Ok I'm such a loser :/ And he presented me with flowers and a ring...

Fortunately I had such a request to have the proposal recorded... So yes he recorded with this very same camera and we can look back at the video anytime we want :) And I enjoyed watching how nervous he was through his gestures :P This silly boy also went all out to get a real diamond for me. I told him that I will settle with fake/man-made diamond because I didn't want him to spend so much money! But anyway I still love it and I love sparkling stones from now! HAHAHA.

So yeah.... My favourite photo of this series. I am REALLY IMPRESSED with the photos hehehe...

Thank you dear for making the effort to organise this significant event for us. You have put in so much effort physically and mentally and I love it 100% ok! It is the BESTEST BEST thing I've received in my life! Muacks!! Here's to our future!!!

God is love, and love's a gift He's planted

In the hearts of those who pledge themselves in love

My prince will come whenever God sets the time

Hearts will then beat as one like verses in rhyme

O Lord, You know me and my place

You plan it all in wondrous ways

Whoever is Your choice for me

You already know his face

Yes, you have seen his face...

Being Genuine and Sincere

I guess those are my strengths. Just mentioning what I am good at to boost my morale.. After working for almost 10 years as a staff nurse, I'm stuck in the same shit, however being condemned for what I am not good at. Who knows, if I were to be having another kind of job and working for 10 years, with a first class honours and having excellent performance at work (eg. doing shit my manager gives me, faithfully turning up for work), I would maybe take a managerial position or be someone well-recognised? Maybe? Come to think of it. My seniors at work who worked for 10 years were promoted and not treated like shit (or at least it seemed that way).

Recently I had conversations with random colleagues. Despite my weakness, they know my love for patients. You know, with one look you can tell if a nurse is just doing her work for the sake of doing it rather than out of love. I guess this is one perfect gift God has given to me and I will take note of it and treasure it :)

Okay, sorry for boasting but the egoistic person in me just love to burst out. I can't express it to anyone otherwise I will be known to be proud and snobbish so I am expressing it here. Heh... I've been doing some random research as my bond is going to end in 1 year and 9 months' time! Gosh! That is fast! But before resigning, I guess I want to deliver here to benefit from the benefits heh... Anyway, there are couple of things I would like to do. Work in a hospice, work in a nursing home, become a care manager in a day center, go into teaching. I just pray and hope the pay can sustain me though :/ I have not moved house yet, but I'm feeling the pinch by paying for maintenance fee, electrical and water bills, and in the future, internet bills.

Anyway I am emotionally ok now! But weeks back, I recorded You Say. I really appreciate the lyrics and it was SPOT ON how I was feeling at that time when I realised I failed my interview!

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me

In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity

Taking all I have and now I'm layin' it at Your feet

You'll have every failure God, You'll have every victory

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And You say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours

Feeling like shit...

I think right at this moment I am feeling the most shittiest I have ever felt in a long while :( I mean, I'm human right? I didn't make it for ANC promotion. This is the first promotion which requires an interview and I failed :( Thus the shitty feeling. A few colleagues had so much hope in me and genuinely believe that I could make it. But oh well I guess I let them down. I mean if the management monsters are really out to demoralise and not inspire your staff, then you can continue to do that. Got to admit I didn't exactly do well in selling myself. Like what Malcolm said, Singapore is all about selling. None of the interviewers knew all the shit I did nor how I had always turn up for work nor saw me at my best. I want to say that my resume had so many things that I did. Argh :(

As I began to express myself to the people close to me. I just thought that maybe this is not the place for me to stay. And maybe not promoting me makes it much easier to leave? God I'm not really sure what you have in stored for me. But I trust you and believe in what you want to do for my life. I still dream to work in a hospice and I guess maybe it's time to move on. It's time to create a new and better impression somewhere else, where I can be appreciated and where my ideas and intentions tally with the management. Of course I am very grateful to have grown and be nurtured here... But for now it's a torture to go to work T_T Getting picked on and all that. If I stick on to my beliefs, kenna. Don't stick to be beliefs also kenna :(

Anyway it's the covid-19 period and everyone's staying home except essential workers aka me :( They were asking for volunteers to help out in the foreign worker dormitories. I almost made it but at the last minute they rejected the ward nurses :( Maybe God wants to protect me, maybe He knows how horrible is to be in PPE all day, maybe He has other plans! I hope this period will be over soon!! I hope to update more here. Feel abit sian in writing actually. Heh....

I will end off this blog post with an encouraging verse!
1 Thessalonians 5:18 "in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (NAS)

Also, I hope the older me reading this blog post will laugh at my silliness, telling me now that the future me is doing awesome things in life! :)

New Decade, New Year, New Me!

Before moving to 2020, let's have a look back at 2019. I am thankful for everything!

1) I finally managed to get back to Ward 43... Definitely feeling much happier and way more fulfilled in the things I do :) Still learning new things day by day! One thing's for sure, touching lives day by day, action by action! Seriously, I ought to post more patient encounters over here!

2) Other than that, I've accomplished my outside work-work as well! This Nursing Summit thingy lor. Wasted (oops) every Thursday to prepare for this event! I enjoyed the process of running and managing the event. But I won't say I was so obsessed or into it... Gotta act cool. HAHAHA. Let's just say I didn't like the content of the summit :P

3) And of course as mentioned in my earlier post, the Merit Award :) Eternally grateful for favour upon my life!

Somehow I don't really understand how the heck I managed to get this award. Let's just say I'm not perfect in my work. I don't stay back after work super super late. I don't really take up a lot of projects. The only thing I'm confident on what I did was to always turn up for work (no mc) and made sure I build good rapport with my patients (though I might have been pissed with some of them and showed it through my actions. heh...) But anyway, I believe it was God's favour. It's like Him telling me that "I can do it" even though I believe that I cannot... Let's just hope... That this will look good in my resume for future use :P

4) Building relationship with dear :)

I wouldn't say that this journey was a bed of roses. We've been through quite a fair bit of challenges. But I really pray and believe that the challenges made us stronger together... Definitely loving him more and more everyday!! I can't wait to marry him already! :P Honestly, I do get jealous when my married friends get to go home with their spouse. For us, we go home to our own house. Boohoo. Will I find that living apart is a luxury in the future? HMMMMM.

Alright! What are my 2020 desires?!

1) To grow closer to the Lord (with KG as a couple). A few weeks back pastor encouraged us to set some goals with regards to our walk with God... Maybe we can be more edifying to each other, pray with each other and all. To be honest, I'm not really a deep reader. But who knows, KG can influence me to read and let me read his purchased books hehehe.

2) Which brings to my 2nd desire. To be engaged by this year. Period.

3) My big move to Parc Riviera and hope I have enough money to sustain T_T At the current situation, I am pretty broke!! But still, I want to commit to build this great home!! Wait for it, wait for it!!!

4) Yes to lose weight, by default :P Let's hope the swimming pool and gym at my door step will motivate me a little..

5) To be promoted to ANC so that I can earn more money!!! And for my future dream!!! For recording purpose, I actually didn't apply for promotion last year and got whacked left right up down :P

6) MAY or MAY NOT want to take my masters. Feeling a little bit lazy at the moment to do any sort of thinking after work :/

Ok here's a verse that I thought it was quite encouraging!
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes" Matt 6:34 (MSG)

Ok that's all bye.

I Got It?

Praise God! This is definitely one of the milestones I got in 2019! I couldn't be more happier T_T Before creating this post, I also mentioned about being suspicious that I got this award in April. God is really so so so good!! To be honest, I didn't know it was such a grand award until quite a number of people came up to me and congratulated me hahaha... As if it was like my wedding :P

I must say that I still struggle with work on a daily basis with certain colleagues, but I'm always leaning on God's strength to make me a better nurse and person... Or probably I need to spread a positive culture to the people. I need to thank my mom for always helping me wash my uniform and cooking yummy food for me, so that I could excel in work hehe...

Presenting the other KKH nurses who go the award as well! Congrats!

Not forgetting, the lady who nominated me!! I guess in her own way, she is a good leader :) She knows what my talent and potential is, and allowed it to be maximised... I do miss those pre-forum days, where we worked so so hard in Ward 71's NM room hahaha. I can never thank her enough :)

I guess this award and even being a nurse means so so much to be because I was trying damn hard to hold back my tears while the speech by the Chief Nurse Officer was going on... She just merely mentioned the qualities of a nurse and that patients are at the heart of all we do. Indeed, I can really relate so so much with that. It really brings me great pleasure to serve my patients even though I have to do low class stuff like clean their shit/urine, get bad attitude from sucky support staffs and the list goes on... At least now I can't really say that I get irritating and rude patients cos they are all so lovable in 43 :)

Since I'm at this "passionate" topic, let me mention about my patient J who has been with the Lord about 2 months ago... I'm not sure why, but I've developed a strong relationship with her over the past few weeks she stayed with us. Probably because I got to know her in day therapy last year... More than that, I also got to build a good relation with one of her daughter, who was ever so willing learn stuff, just for her mom to be happy and comfortable. As I assisted with her terminal discharge, J's last wish was to go to Sentosa from the hospital for a staycation the family had booked beforehand. In my heart, I thought that it was so impossible as she required oxygen and always had to change diapers! As she left the ward, I could not help myself but broke into tears and I caressed J's face and hugged her. The crying was so bad that I made her daughter cry as well. We exchanged hugs as it was my way to comfort her and support her... Who knew.. J managed to stay alive for the 3D2N staycation and passed on peacefully and happily 2 days after she got home.

I didn't hear much from J until her daughter came by with chocolates and a hand-written card about 3 weeks after she passed on. I must say it was God's plan because she could have come by the way while I was on my vacation or not on shift. But I had the chance to see her and received closure! Her daughter shared with me the moments they spent in Sentosa with J for the last time and that she passed on peacefully. Then, she told me that her ashes were placed at the church near my house! What are the chances! Now, I can visit and say hello to her when I want to (I have yet to do it though hehe)! But I will do it soon! For now, I'm happy that J is in a happy place and I will fondly think of her!

I guess such stories keeps me going as a nurse. Being there for patients, or if possible, being there for their families. At the meantime, I'm still giving love to my patients in the ward :) Allow me to quote something I mentioned in the merit award booklet:

"I have never regretted becoming an oncology nurse. It is fulfilling as I get to accompany patients through their cancer journey. Holding their hands is my way of showing my patients that I am here for them and being with them at their last days is so special to me. Though I may not be their family member, I know I have made a difference in their lives :')"

I guess when I'm so sick of management crap, I have this to look back to :) Thanking God for giving me the strength day by day :)