Thanking God

For the past 2 months, I have been doing up my dissertation. Though, I'm a little disappointed with my process :( I'm slow. I have 5 weeks more to complete it but I'm less than halfway. Hmmm, let's hope I can take off exponentially from here... I have been pretty honest with myself I must say. Hehehe. Maybe the stress is not kicking in so much because I just need to get 62 marks for my dissertation to graduate with a first-class honours.

But still I really thank God that I did well for my year 2 modules. Who would have thought.... Getting 3 first-class results and 1 second upper-class results! What's more, the assignment period involved H coming and me visiting H. Hehehee. Maybe he was my motivation to do well!!~

I'm gonna see him in another 5 weeks... This time away from him has been the worst. I do have to admit that we drifted away to a certain extend. Maybe I don't understand him well enough. Maybe we just have different views on this relationship thing. Honestly speaking, I would have ended all these if I did not buy my plane tickets so early. Well, maybe it's fate... Fate that I still get to see him once again. Every time I see him and depart from him, I really wonder when would be the next time I could see him :( I'm looking forward though, because we will be going to Titisee with Malcolm! Doing it especially for him! I hope he will enjoy!

Despite all the shit that's happening, I really feel happy when I'm physically with him. It's something so complexed. In June, it will be 1 year since we first met... Wow... Time flies.

Okay, I probably have to stop day dreaming at this point. Hehe. Let me concentrate on my dissertation and aim to do well!!!

I thank God for everything in my life!

Reflecting 2016

Oopsy. I have been too pre-occupied with other social media platforms and assignments and stuff to update here. Well, since I took a fantastic nap earlier on just now in the afternoon and can't sleep, I shall take this time to update this beautiful blog.

2016 has been a memorable year for me, 1 million hands down. Well, let me list down events worth remembering. Heee.

1) I finally volunteered in a hospice

Okay, though I have to blame myself as I have not volunteered since I left for Manchester. But it was nice knowing more people (and patients) and just simply devoting my time to help people in need :) Okay after this CNY break I better contact the volunteer manager and let him know that I am back. I must/will volunteer all the way before I resume work!

2) I did start up my cancer orientation programme

Though recruiting patients is the most challenging thing ever! Decided to put it on hold until I return to the work. Sigh, it's so political lah. At the same time as a leader, I can't rely on people right? God give me the courage and wisdom to manage things well...

3) Ignited passion on palliative care

Ok I admit I cheated hahaha. I referred to my previous blog post to learn that there was so much I wanna do as a oncology nurse when I go back to work. We will see about that though... I really do miss the various relationship I have established with my patients. I can't wait to be understanding and patient as well too heee. Oh yeah. An uncle of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer :( Well, I really cannot tolerate the behaviour or other relatives and even my parents of being too paranoid and getting worked up over things that cannot be changed. For example, he vomited 30mls of blood and my mom asked me if his time was up. First of all, I don't think the blood they meant was fresh red blood and 30mls is similar to a medicine cup and vomiting blood-stained stuff isn't going to make you die. Then he has Ca Colon which I am not surprised how messed up his GIT can be. Also, they have been asking for blood results which might not mean anything at all. I do admit that I was a little disappointed when they did not want to go to a hospice :/ In fact, they are still doing scans for him for God-knows-what. Hello, symptomatic care should be the priority now right? Anyway I've observed and noticed that my relatives can be really horrible patients. But you know what? I am up to it! When I go back, I want to handle all the horrible patients and relatives! Ok, I shall now switch back to the role of a relative instead of a nurse... Heh.

4) I had amazing holidays

Such as Hong Kong, Brisbane, KL, UK, Bangkok and Birmingham! I don't think I have travelled that much km within a year!

5) I found someone amazing

Reality stinks at times. The day I decided to commit to this was the day I was ready to face all sorts of consequences. But I choose to remember to happy moments that we shared. And I do feel happy. Even though we're miles apart and in reality he might not give so much damn about me, I feel good to assume that I am loved. I used to long for love. Now I don't even if it's over between us. Ok, it's a very contradicting and confusing feeling to express. Go figure out yourself :P

6) Got meself 12 demerit points

SHOOT!! I HATE MYSELF!

So Maria... What do you look forward in 2017?

1) My brother getting married :P

I'm so happy he found someone. A companion who can tahan his messiness and everything.

2) The journey between me and H to continue on... 

3) Buy the most expensive thing in my life (yay! done!)

4) Be a super duper awesome employee and nurse :) I need promotion and moneyyyyy

5) Loose more weight. I hope. I got the real motivation now :P

6) Oh man how on earth can I forget this!- Get at least a 2nd upper for my honours :)

Ok, I hope I will blog more too and post some photos at least :D Till next time!

2016 is worth remembering

Everything that I have dreamed of came true. He came to Singapore, and in December I'm going over. Will be spending Christmas and New Year's over there. I'm excited because for the first time I get to experience a true winter Christmas. Not sure if I'll freeze to death though. Hehehe.

During this year's new year, I remember having a resolution to forget him. And I did it with so much ease. And now, I have someone who genuinely loves me for who I am. He makes me secure of myself, he embraces my looks and my talents and he makes me understand the world better. But the distance is making it 1 million times more difficult that what normal people would experience :( Nevertheless, I'm grateful for all that has happened. Come to think of it, it has been 5 months since we first met! I sincerely hope that we will have many years together. I really do.

I'm not sure what next year or our future will bring. But I want him and myself to be happy. I hope we can achieve that throughout our lives.

At the meantime, I'm hoping to experience some sort of white Christmas! HEEE!

Burning Stronger

I've been back at my ward the past week and it has been a crazy power house so far. To be honest, so many things changed. The management, the practice, the staff and the vibes in the ward. But that did not stop me from loving my patients and treating them with utmost care and concern. I wish there were duplicates of me to care for every single one of them everyday.

I may not be the best nurse in town. But I thought that all you need is to attend to the patient's needs with all your heart. The rest is secondary. Your nursing care is judged based on how you provide care for your patients. And not how well you speak when handing over your patient or successfully ticking all frivolous checklists in the case notes.

In theory, a good leader develops her staff to be good. She does not selfishly aspire herself to be good and make the others look bad. This is my dream. I hope to successfully create this change in the ward. Today, I simply brought a cantonese po po to the toilet and we hit off really well that she was smiling from ear to ear and said goodbye to me as I left the ward. I don't want to be the special nurse. I want everyone to be like that.

I guess this course impacted me in someway. My thinking is challenged. I think the bigger picture rather than just focusing on how to improve on myself. I just hope that I will have the confidence and tenacity in the next few years. I will. Because my precious patients are my support. Looking at them wants me to provide better nursing care for them.

I will make 43 live up to its reputation once again. I will.

A Picture of Your Love

After the rain has fallen
After the clouds have rolled away
The sweetest name remains

I Miss Him

This is how I got myself into shit. We are 10 thousand over kilometers away and I miss him like crazy :( It's so weird that we didn't exactly have much time to spend with each other back then. We have sooooooo many things to know about each other but I just feel connected with him.

From someone strong and independent, I feel so weak in front of him. I miss him so much :(

Hope to see you soon darling.

I'm Coming Home

I'm at the last lap of this UK/Europe trip! I thank God that all that were planned for this trip went as planned. Though, I do have to admit that I had enough of visiting cities, taking glamorous pictures and visiting the must-go places.

I will definitely remember this trip forever because of a special someone. It's funny how some super random person can come into my life and perhaps change my life forever. I remember for the past 10 over years, I always longed for someone who would like me for who I am, and I would be also given the chance to like the person back. Now, I found that person. I feel happier. It's nice to have someone special in your mind and to be in that special someone's mind. I genuinely enjoyed the dates I had with him, getting to know him better. The best part was laughing and just feeling happy together. I wondered to myself, why did I only experience this after my 25 years of existence?

It's so difficult to tell what the future will bring :( If I really go over to the UK, it's like letting go of all my aspirations and career goals (yes, they are so darn important to me). Yet at the same time I want to cherish him like crazy and never let him go if possible.

As for now, I will wait for him to come to Singapore. So far, we have been messaging each other everyday (which is good). Let's see how long we can sustain this. Sigh sigh sigh. 

God, can you make us happen? Please?