I Got It?

Praise God! This is definitely one of the milestones I got in 2019! I couldn't be more happier T_T Before creating this post, I also mentioned about being suspicious that I got this award in April. God is really so so so good!! To be honest, I didn't know it was such a grand award until quite a number of people came up to me and congratulated me hahaha... As if it was like my wedding :P

I must say that I still struggle with work on a daily basis with certain colleagues, but I'm always leaning on God's strength to make me a better nurse and person... Or probably I need to spread a positive culture to the people. I need to thank my mom for always helping me wash my uniform and cooking yummy food for me, so that I could excel in work hehe...

Presenting the other KKH nurses who go the award as well! Congrats!

Not forgetting, the lady who nominated me!! I guess in her own way, she is a good leader :) She knows what my talent and potential is, and allowed it to be maximised... I do miss those pre-forum days, where we worked so so hard in Ward 71's NM room hahaha. I can never thank her enough :)

I guess this award and even being a nurse means so so much to be because I was trying damn hard to hold back my tears while the speech by the Chief Nurse Officer was going on... She just merely mentioned the qualities of a nurse and that patients are at the heart of all we do. Indeed, I can really relate so so much with that. It really brings me great pleasure to serve my patients even though I have to do low class stuff like clean their shit/urine, get bad attitude from sucky support staffs and the list goes on... At least now I can't really say that I get irritating and rude patients cos they are all so lovable in 43 :)

Since I'm at this "passionate" topic, let me mention about my patient J who has been with the Lord about 2 months ago... I'm not sure why, but I've developed a strong relationship with her over the past few weeks she stayed with us. Probably because I got to know her in day therapy last year... More than that, I also got to build a good relation with one of her daughter, who was ever so willing learn stuff, just for her mom to be happy and comfortable. As I assisted with her terminal discharge, J's last wish was to go to Sentosa from the hospital for a staycation the family had booked beforehand. In my heart, I thought that it was so impossible as she required oxygen and always had to change diapers! As she left the ward, I could not help myself but broke into tears and I caressed J's face and hugged her. The crying was so bad that I made her daughter cry as well. We exchanged hugs as it was my way to comfort her and support her... Who knew.. J managed to stay alive for the 3D2N staycation and passed on peacefully and happily 2 days after she got home.

I didn't hear much from J until her daughter came by with chocolates and a hand-written card about 3 weeks after she passed on. I must say it was God's plan because she could have come by the way while I was on my vacation or not on shift. But I had the chance to see her and received closure! Her daughter shared with me the moments they spent in Sentosa with J for the last time and that she passed on peacefully. Then, she told me that her ashes were placed at the church near my house! What are the chances! Now, I can visit and say hello to her when I want to (I have yet to do it though hehe)! But I will do it soon! For now, I'm happy that J is in a happy place and I will fondly think of her!

I guess such stories keeps me going as a nurse. Being there for patients, or if possible, being there for their families. At the meantime, I'm still giving love to my patients in the ward :) Allow me to quote something I mentioned in the merit award booklet:

"I have never regretted becoming an oncology nurse. It is fulfilling as I get to accompany patients through their cancer journey. Holding their hands is my way of showing my patients that I am here for them and being with them at their last days is so special to me. Though I may not be their family member, I know I have made a difference in their lives :')"

I guess when I'm so sick of management crap, I have this to look back to :) Thanking God for giving me the strength day by day :)

It has been 8 years

It has been 8 years since I joined nursing.. Wow. Congratulations to myself. I did it!! I stayed on and I'm still bonded until 2022 which will be my 12th year in nursing. Come to think of it, it was a journey full of ups and down. One thing for sure... I have aged and become less energetic and more tired T_T

Today, I was on afternoon shift and super shagged because I only slept for like 2.5 hours on my post night. However, 3 patients separately asked me if I had dinner. So sweet of them! It was nice of them to engage a conversation or check on me... I realise I have sort of stopped being chatty to patients because I'm just too tired to talk to anyone hehe. But maybe I should really talk to them once again, get into their lives, make friends etc! I do feel bad when patients remember me by my name but I only know their face and not their name... Time to get personally connected with them...

One more thing to add... I have been nominated for the nursing merit award thing. I'm not very sure if I will be awarded but if I do, I think I will be happy and make myself work better without complaining? Haha. You see, for the past many years, I have always regarded myself as always coming to work. Hardly taking any sick leave. Sometimes I really find it unfair. Why do my colleagues always take sick leave but me. I'm always coming to work with sometimes super short handed staffing. Whereas colleagues who is down with a tiny flu or cramps or whatever get to rest at home. I somehow do want that rest to :( Everytime my managers give me "extra" work to do, I will always complain- I am already faithfully coming to work every single day. Why must I still stay back and do extra work and all that? Well, I guess if I get this reward then it will be worth it? Maybe this award will affirm my passion in nursing and let me stay on? Still I won't say I'm the best person at work. I make mistakes, I screw up, I get lazy sometimes...

I just hope I can do more for the cancer patients. Time to get my head thinking once again!! God give me wisdom and strength!

What I Look Forward to in 2019

The year has not been too bad so far while working in 43 :) Getting my momentum going... A little tired though, as tomorrow will be my 3rd consecutive morning working! Praying for strength!! Nevertheless, I am VERY happy to be back in 43!

So here is what I am looking forward in 2019!

1) More adventures with dear dear :)

Can't wait to spend time with him more and understand more about each other!

2) Moving to Parc Riveria

TOP is in Sep 2019 so I'm really, really excited to be setting up my new home and living on my own! But I foresee myself getting busy with house chores, parties and struggling financially! Heh... But all will be good!! Most importantly, I want to laze on my hammock/sofa everyday!

3) If all is good financially, I am looking forward to the change of phone. Hahaha.

I know it sounds pretty superficial but I really, really dislike using the iPhone :( Back to Android it is!

4) Hokkaido trip with Malcolm in June!! (no elaboration required)

5) Have a true sense of achievement in working right now!! And on top of that, attempt to start on some sort of academic studies for the better of patients!

It's pretty weird that for the past few days, I have always been thinking about work while resting at home. It's like I just can't get my mind off it! And I secretly look forward to work!! I'm starting to feel what I used to feel when I was in 43 previously or maybe even better! Yeah!! I think very soon I might be a workaholic! Whoops!

Looks like 2019 started well! Hope that this year will be my favourite year yet!!

2018 In Review

At a blink of an eye, 2018 went by just like that... And my writing got worse because I don't read and write anything anymore. I guess I would categorize 2018 as a rather painful year, a year that I lost myself. But I would proudly like to say that it ended really well :)

Nevertheless, significant stuff to remember in 2018!

1) Malcolm came back as an expat!! He had been away since 2006 and I spent more time with Malcolm in 2018 as compared to over the past 10 years he was away!

What was more awesome was that I got to pretend to be the partner of an expat's wife and life in the city!! Air-con all day long, having house keepers to make the bed and clean the apartment. Walking downstairs to supermarkets and restaurants. Ahhhh thinking about it now makes me miss the hi-life.

If I'm not wrong this was one of my meal before my night shift. Heh..

2) I managed to get my ass together and organised some successful educational programmes for my cancer patients!

I really need to acknowledge this as an achievement because it is REALLY not easy to put this up, ALL BY MYSELF. A lot of people tell me that I need to delegate etc. But even if I delegate, I need to follow up and "pester" the person whom I delegated the job to. So, I did it all. With some help my colleagues of course :) I don't know about this year but let's keep everything positive!!

3) I got into a relationship :)

I couldn't ask for anyone better :) Guan is someone with a really big heart and always after God's heart. I really wonder why isn't he married yet. But I just want to say that I'm SUPER DUPER BLESSED to have him! Hehehe. Not sharing much about him on social media but here :P

Dear, I can't wait to spend my whole life with you!! Thank you for all the love you have given to me!

Ok, I better stop getting mushy hehe...

4) I got to realise that Ward 71 really isn't the ward for me :(

I always dread to go to work everyday. Patients just piss me off most of the time. Colleagues get super annoying and irritating as well. Never seen such a "bad" environment in my life before. Very toxic. And I'm very afraid that I might have captured the bad attitude from them. I pray not! But for now, I AM SO HAPPY THAT I'M OUT OF THAT PLACE!!!

Happy that 2018 is over and believing that 2019 will be an awesome year!! Give me a few days to compose myself and write down my new year's resolution yeah...

At the meantime, I'm praying/wishing for everything to be well in Jesus' name!

Hello, June

It has been a year since...
1) We said our goodbyes
2) I finished up my stressful dissertation
3) I embarked my work life after being on hiatus for 20 months

Speaking of being on hiatus, I AM SO DAMN SORRY for missing for soooooo long :( I guess I was too caught up on work and other social media platforms. Gosh. I really feel I'm wasting my time scrolling through fb and ig at times. But then, I just can't help it. Hope someway somehow I can kick the habit.

I remember I used to think about my thoughts, blog it down, post nice photos on my blog for Malcolm to read hahaha. Read a book even, create music and do way many more things. Now, I just spend my off days sleeping and watching tv -_- Well, I wanted to do some exercise today actually or even go out but I have work work work to do at home zzzzz.

Anyway, since I've been back at work, a part of my potential has been maximised. And also, I have been abused and "bullied" by several individuals at work. Like bosses just not liking me and people using my work to claim credit for themselves. Disgusting! I'm glad I've been genuine friendships beforehand. Hope they can watch out for me to a certain extent. But anyways, HECK MAN. They wanna have fame and glory let them have it. I'm not exactly very interested anyway. I just wanna go back to 43 and look at my onco patients and do well in my work.

Oh just wanted to mention that since I came back to work, I felt that I have been very angry and negative in work and maybe even in everything. Then, since Feb 2018, I have been through SFTH3, We Care Programme, SLP and chruch retreat. Different contents but all felt the same- to make me happy and find my purpose once again. So I guess the first half of 2018 is like a rejuvenating period for me, to gear up for the rest of my life! :) I'm not really sure what is in stored but here I go!~

Hope I will come back to blog more often!

Good Bye 2017, Hello 2018

Gosh, once again it has been AGES since I blogged. I guess through time blogging isn't really part of my life style anymore. But I need to! So that I can look back at my life!! Heh... The new year is here... Let's have a review of significant events in 2017.

1) I attained first class honours for my degree course!

I really didn't expect to attain a first class honours as I knew that my level of intelligence was not of THAT level. But I guess God is good and faithful always. He has granted me wisdom and favour. Though I can't see any fruits now (because no one gives no shit that I got first class), I'm sure someway, somehow it will be noticed. Most importantly, I have learnt the MOST out of my course.

Though, after coming back to work I feel tired. Thus, I have not been so productive in my academic work. Heh... Maria Boey, please buck up in 2018 :)

2) I went through my first break up

It was a pretty complicated relationship to begin with. Like, the break up wasn't abrupt but gradual. When we bade goodbye for the last time, I still thought I will see him. But I guess that was the last time I will see him in forever. I believe time will heal and I will move on. Still, I know that things happen for a reason. During my next life perhaps? I hope I still can meet with him...

3) Returned back to work- and in another ward

Felt like I had to start all over again in terms of building relationships with my colleagues. And I am happy to say that I'm doing well so far :) Still, I don't really like the nature of the patients. Recently, I had a handful of oncology patients and I felt so happy to nurse them :) There were 1 million things to settle for them but I was willing to do everything! I'm still in the midst of trying to find back my passion. Well, if I can't, I think I would really need to ask for a transfer...

I also had a really wonder Public Forum. I am thankful for the experience gained. Though, I know now that I have issues working with certain people and all that. But guess what, I AM AWESOME AND I SUCCESSFULLY ORGANISED THIS FORUM! Will definitely have to credit friends and colleagues who helped me so much along the way :)

4) I bought my biggest purchase yet :)

TOP is in August 2020. I can't wait!!

Okay.. My resolutions and wishes for 2018...

1) Get my freaking COPE running successfully- it's a tough nut esp when the ward is busy 99% of the time :(

2) Get my academic stuff done! Posters, articles, presentations!!! Argh!!

3) To be genuinely happy at work

4) Move on and find my happiness

5) Lose weight (this is by default hehe)

6) Have a singing recital in Nov/Dec. I'm still in the thinking/planning phase... Hope it happens!!

7) Malcolm's wedding perhaps?

8) Write more songs and be more musically inclined.. But with the work I have, I don't know how much I can do. But I'll try!! :)

9) Possibly change my bike... I'm currently looking at this!

 IT'S SO NICE RIGHTTTTTT.

Returning back to work- Will I still feel the same?

A few weeks ago, I was informed by the middle management of my upcoming ward posting. Sad to say, it isn't 43, the place I was born in... I can't sleep and my brain is flashing all the memories I had in Ward 43. Urgh brain, can you just let me sleep? :(

Ok why not pen it down since I have difficultly falling asleep. Heee. I guess 43 isn't the same anymore. Management has changed so, so much since I left. Well, I guess I can never ever, ever forget my very first manager. To me, she was the most perfect person I've known. I remember as a new staff, she always encouraged me whenever I felt I didn't do well at work. She takes time to check on my patients and make sure that I do everything well and ok. She would tell me where to improve on. She realised my potential and made the best out of me. My status in the hospital and the good reputation I have is all contributed by her efforts. I broke down in front of her so many times and she never fail to counsel me and even offer my day offs when I feel down. We had many happy times... and arguments. I miss her so much :(

I definitely miss the ward. The colleagues, the kind of patients and so on... I really feel home in that place. From a noob to one of the more senior staff. Ok I'm not THAT senior. But... Maybe just taking ownership of my home. Patients I have served and loved died there and so forth. Such beautiful memories will stay in my heart. I remember I left on an angry note. But... I've learnt to accept certain things and embrace the good.

Well I guess switching wards is just one of the journey I have to go through to build up my career... I still wonder what lies ahead. On the bright side, I still get to handle cancer patients? Yet at the same time I'm scared. I'm scared I cannot perform well. With my stupid brain :(

Nevertheless this is God's path for me. I will still love to achieve my ultimate dream of running a hospice/nursing home.

I believe that this course has changed me in so many ways... I can't spell it out exactly but I know inside me, something has changed. I already cannot wait to go back to work! Then again, so many initiations and projects coming up! I hope I can handle it. With my abilities, I hope I can prove my worth!

But first, let me achieve my first class heh. Honestly, I really didn't bother about achieving first class and would settle for a second upper. But my lecture told me that I already have the marks. So why not? Erm ok. I hope my dissertation will get good marks.

Last lap. CHIONG AH!