Recalling 2015

2015 is coming to an end really soon! Gosh. Time really passes by so so quickly. Assuming that I will be living till 100, I have reached the quarter point of my life! Let's see what I have done so far which is worth remembering...

1) I passed my bike test on my first attempt and got my own bike!

And of course, I could not help but to take a cool chic photo of myself on the bike :P Rusty, I love you so much. Thank you for being with me, rain or shine (literally). He was always there for me, when I pillion the people I love, and the times when I cried non-stop. I hope that we will last long!~

2) Played my part for the cancer support group. 

I can't believe that I took charge of this whole event. I'm looking forward to the many amazing stuff that I am going to accomplish for the support group in 2016. Yay :) As much as these patients touched my life, I would wanna touch theirs :)

3) Got promoted to a Senior Staff Nurse. 

Could not feel the pinch, neither did I boast much about it. But let's just say that it is an accomplishment, that I have come THIS far in nursing? :) I held on and stayed strong! Many more years to come!

4) Sang for my advanced diploma graduation ceremony.

Something that I could be proud of :D Anyway, this is also an excuse to post a photo of me when I look relatively slimmer! OMG! WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING!

5) Was involved in a Musical :D

I really enjoy being in musicals/productions. Musical more actually heee. Cos I get to act, play a character and sing my heart out. Oh, not forgetting the chance to change into various costumes :) Ok, I am still waiting for a day when I get to sing a love song duet with a partner and fall in love on stage...

5) Started University.

Ok, but it's freaking me out now because I have submissions in a few weeks' time and I have totally no mood to do anything related to school How how how!!! :/ Alright, I'm gonna slap myself after this.

6) I actually looked this good/slim.

Photo effect or not, this is my motivation to slim down and exercise @_@

In 2016, I wish to...

1) Establish a Cancer Orientation Programme in partnership with the WCSG :)

2) Volunteer in Assisi Hospice: I was supposed to do it THIS YEAR but due to some circumstances, it will be in Feb. Maria you better START.

3) Adopt a healthy lifestyle and look slim & fit & chio.

4) Spend 2 months away from Singapore: Yup, that's definitely gonna happen.

5) Write songs and make music: Wow, it's been some time since I whipped out my guitar and made music.

6) Build up my dancing skills.

7) LOVE.

8) Have a bank account balance of $______

Alrighty. Wishing all a Happy New Year.

静静看着你

Ter recently did a cover of this song and I thought that it is so apt :( So, here'so my own interpretation of the song...

有一种旅行没有目的
(There is a kind of holiday with no destination)
有一种对话稍无声息
(There is a kind of conversation without a reply)
有一种等待不是等待
(You are waiting when there's nothing to wait for)
有一种曾经了无痕蹟
(We've gone through so much together, yet there were no memories)
有一种眼泪淌在心底
(There are tears at the bottom of my heart)
有一种痛楚就像呼吸
(There is pain everytime I breathe)
有一种守候仅是守候
(When I am by your side, I am really by your side)
有一种故事没有结局
(There is a story without an ending)

静静看着你
(Looking at your from afar)
隔着远远冷冷的空气
(In the midst of the distance and coldness between us)
静静看着你
(Looking at you from afar)
挂著轻轻浅浅的笑意
(I'm still hanging on with a smile)
兜著圈找不到那种距离
(The distance between us is too far apart that I can't see it)
不是你就是我那些刻意
(I'm confused on what's going on between us)
你手心的温度是犹豫
(I really don't know how you feel about me)

People have been helping me find more "friends", but my immediate response is to reject the invitation/offer. And I know the reason of such a reaction.

It's so funny, that after all these years, I can't seem to face reality or let you go. We have been creating so many memories of us together, but I know one day it will be destroyed like how a building collapses in an earthquake.

I've never been in a relationship, but I have loved and had heartaches before... The slightest thing makes me jealous and hurts me. It shows that you mean so much to me. I guess you can't exactly blame me for feeling this way.

When can I ever let you go?

Purpose

I guess I need to set my mind in the correct direction. After going through weeks of school, I realise that I'm not here to achieve good results (though, I hope I can). But more importantly is the process. Like learning stuff that I can apply next time at work, learn more about my working characteristics, and be happy in being youthful again.

Just hoping that I will have the opportunity to create radical changes and make the hospital a better place to receive treatment or to work in :)

At a blink of an eye, the year is coming to an end! It was almost a year ago where I went to Ward 71 for 2 months plus! Time really flies!! And very soon, I will graduate and hopefully get something worth recognising. So many expectations on me and I sincerely hope to do all these people proud. Never would I want to be known as the not-so-smart Maria. Or rather, I can don't be so smart, but I just wanna be genuine in the things I do and also be known as someone hardworking.

God is always my wisdom and my strength :)

:(

Last night, I heard from my colleagues that a patient passed on. Well, she's not just a normal patient. She's someone with recurrent cancer in the midst of her pregnancy. The cancer was so aggressive that she needed a cycle of chemo with the baby inside! 2 weeks ago, an induced labour was performed and her child was delivered at 27 weeks. I feel really sad and burdened for her. Well, the funny thing is, I've not met or nursed her before.

This just makes me miss my patients who had passed on :'( Like within a year, a couple of patients that I knew quite well had moved on to the other side. I don't know but I seem to enjoy the process of genuinely knowing them and caring for them in their last days. I do have regrets though, like certain things I didn't manage to do for them.

I would like to continue to share the love. So Maria, go sign up and volunteer in a hospice!

Palliative care... Is that my calling?

1 month

It has been almost a month since I started school... Hmmm, well it's true that I am enjoying all my regular meals, full weekends and regular naps. BUT, something's missing. The feeling of stepping into the ward, checking equipments, having patients greeting me, setting IV plugs, getting pissed off at work and the list just goes on! Hahaha. I think I miss the interaction with my cancer patients the most... Especially my "old customers" :)

For now, I kinda feel meaningless :( I mean the school just whacks us with 2 assignments to complete for a month, with minimum contact time with the lecturers. Yes, the difficulty is there, a lot of time is spent doing work. But on days that I do not have activities and when I just do work, it feels so empty. Hmm, looks like I need to play it well the next term!! Start filling my days with activities yet balance work at the same time!! Maria you can do it!! By the way, I hope that I can PASS my first 2 assignments. Heehee...

I hope the remaining 22 months will be better! I should do the most out of this period of time! MARIA STOP SLEEPING LIKE A PIG! STOP IT!

Okthanksbye.

I'm 25

Yay!! Once again, at a blink of an eye, it's my birthday again!!! So many things to be thankful for :)

First up, 2 weeks of intensive lectures are finished!! I do feel stupid at times. Need to buck up seriously. But yeah, thankful to be given this chance to study and hopefully get my honours. And at the same time, have fun! Which I think I did... Hehe...

Had the lovely RE gang celebrating my birthday! I always feel so paiseh to have such attention. Hehehe. But I'm still happy that I always have this group of friends there for me!!!

Ta dah~~~ They deserve all my love! Muacks!

On my birthday, I got to attend Little Adelle's 1st month party! I love this photo actually, because I am carrying the baby!! :P People just assume that I look after neonates wahahahaha. Ok lor, then I should act confident and just carry the baby! And maybe I am also at the age of being able to be a mother :X But yeah! That's true!

And of course... I could not be happier than to attend dear Theresa's wedding! Looking so pretty!! Yay!! We should TOTALLY meet up this month! :D

My birthday wish remains the same I guess. But I have learnt to always be contented with what I have. Thankful for all who love me so much! :D I shall fight on!

Happiness

Very often, I conclude my life with so many 'what ifs' and 'if only'. You know, if we search for something that is too far away from us, we will tend to miss out what has always been close by. I am glad that these people have always been within my sight.

As a look back in life, being in JDC was one of the most greatest thing that had happened to me. I hope this moment would stay on for decades and decades. Definitely the best people to perform and hang out with :D

Thank you Terrence for creating JDC.