2016 is worth remembering

Everything that I have dreamed of came true. He came to Singapore, and in December I'm going over. Will be spending Christmas and New Year's over there. I'm excited because for the first time I get to experience a true winter Christmas. Not sure if I'll freeze to death though. Hehehe.

During this year's new year, I remember having a resolution to forget him. And I did it with so much ease. And now, I have someone who genuinely loves me for who I am. He makes me secure of myself, he embraces my looks and my talents and he makes me understand the world better. But the distance is making it 1 million times more difficult that what normal people would experience :( Nevertheless, I'm grateful for all that has happened. Come to think of it, it has been 5 months since we first met! I sincerely hope that we will have many years together. I really do.

I'm not sure what next year or our future will bring. But I want him and myself to be happy. I hope we can achieve that throughout our lives.

At the meantime, I'm hoping to experience some sort of white Christmas! HEEE!

Burning Stronger

I've been back at my ward the past week and it has been a crazy power house so far. To be honest, so many things changed. The management, the practice, the staff and the vibes in the ward. But that did not stop me from loving my patients and treating them with utmost care and concern. I wish there were duplicates of me to care for every single one of them everyday.

I may not be the best nurse in town. But I thought that all you need is to attend to the patient's needs with all your heart. The rest is secondary. Your nursing care is judged based on how you provide care for your patients. And not how well you speak when handing over your patient or successfully ticking all frivolous checklists in the case notes.

In theory, a good leader develops her staff to be good. She does not selfishly aspire herself to be good and make the others look bad. This is my dream. I hope to successfully create this change in the ward. Today, I simply brought a cantonese po po to the toilet and we hit off really well that she was smiling from ear to ear and said goodbye to me as I left the ward. I don't want to be the special nurse. I want everyone to be like that.

I guess this course impacted me in someway. My thinking is challenged. I think the bigger picture rather than just focusing on how to improve on myself. I just hope that I will have the confidence and tenacity in the next few years. I will. Because my precious patients are my support. Looking at them wants me to provide better nursing care for them.

I will make 43 live up to its reputation once again. I will.

A Picture of Your Love

After the rain has fallen
After the clouds have rolled away
The sweetest name remains

I Miss Him

This is how I got myself into shit. We are 10 thousand over kilometers away and I miss him like crazy :( It's so weird that we didn't exactly have much time to spend with each other back then. We have sooooooo many things to know about each other but I just feel connected with him.

From someone strong and independent, I feel so weak in front of him. I miss him so much :(

Hope to see you soon darling.

I'm Coming Home

I'm at the last lap of this UK/Europe trip! I thank God that all that were planned for this trip went as planned. Though, I do have to admit that I had enough of visiting cities, taking glamorous pictures and visiting the must-go places.

I will definitely remember this trip forever because of a special someone. It's funny how some super random person can come into my life and perhaps change my life forever. I remember for the past 10 over years, I always longed for someone who would like me for who I am, and I would be also given the chance to like the person back. Now, I found that person. I feel happier. It's nice to have someone special in your mind and to be in that special someone's mind. I genuinely enjoyed the dates I had with him, getting to know him better. The best part was laughing and just feeling happy together. I wondered to myself, why did I only experience this after my 25 years of existence?

It's so difficult to tell what the future will bring :( If I really go over to the UK, it's like letting go of all my aspirations and career goals (yes, they are so darn important to me). Yet at the same time I want to cherish him like crazy and never let him go if possible.

As for now, I will wait for him to come to Singapore. So far, we have been messaging each other everyday (which is good). Let's see how long we can sustain this. Sigh sigh sigh. 

God, can you make us happen? Please?

My First Kiss

I guess whatever happens in Manchester stays in Manchester. You can call me crazy. Yes. I went out on a date with an Englishman (sort of). I'm not boasting, but he is really crazy about me. He admires me like crazy. Well how do I feel about him? The feeling is "I don't know". I don't like him as much as the guys I used to like. But maybe in a few more dates, I would be able to tell? Then again, I know I can't like him. There isn't any future for us. Sad reality yeah...

We held hands, cuddled and kissed. God. I am so new to this. Never interlaced fingers with anyone before. Never had someone stroking the back of my palms with their fingers before. Never had my lips pressed against someone else's one.

I feel emotional. Why does anyone for the past 26 years of my life not like me like he does? Why do I need to fly all the way to Manchester to know how it is like to be liked? :(

I promise myself to bring back sweet memories. Yes I will.

What have I done?

A simple chat made me end up in a messed up situation :( Nobody said such nice things to be before. Nobody told me that I am beautiful and attractive. Nobody openly confessed that they like me. This is why I give in. People who adore me deserves my respect, attention and love. 

This is where I start to take the wrong step. I know things are not going to work out for us. First, it feels so wrong. So, so wrong. Then distance will give us problems. Cultural and religious differences will also be in the way of a happy relationship.

I'm just playing with my heart and feelings. Gosh. Why did I even end up in this :( At time same time, it's something new that I am experiencing and learning.

I want to leave Manchester with happy memories. Will this be a happy or a heart-wrenching one? :(