My dear friend's grandmother has brain cancer and she might not have much time left. This made me think of life and death... I'm not talking nonsense but eventually one day I have to go. I wonder how would heaven be like. It's like entering into another phase of my existance! Wow, I believe it's much much greater than this planet. Maybe the greatness cannot even be measured. Not forgetting, how would my current loved ones react? Will they lead life noramally or feel the hurt and agnoy because they lost someone? Will the person I treasure now so much mourn over me? Or will the person just care less? Can my dreams be fulfilled? Well, I'll be waiting for that day when I stand before the gate of heaven and recall the things I've done in my life.

I just feel that I'm receiving false hope. I really wanna believe but if I believe too much and the thing does not happen, I just feel so strange. I never want to blame or accuse you. But it seems that things are not working out for me. The more I hope, the more it never happens. My fault? Please correct me then.

The thing I feel like doing now is to stay away from eveyone and just be alone by myself. Sit by a clear stream and watch the fishes swim by. Maybe just have a stroll through the forest and admire the nature. The world is indeed too hectic for me! How I wish I can go to a place far far away...