20 more days

This is no joke. 20 more days till the actual day of the musical! But you know what, I still can't get into character. Like seriously, I don't know why! I know they are not pin-pointing me. They want the best out of me but I have seem to have let them down every single practice. You know what, I have never received any positive feedback on my acting since day 1. So what if I had past experiences? If you act bad, means you act bad. I hate myself sometimes...

I'm getting quite sick and tired of all these. I have never been so stressed about performing before. I really need a breakthrough.

Today in church, everyone is supposed to write down their desires/wishes for Christmas this year. Well, I didn't participate in it but what I really wish deep down in my heart is to be a good actress. This is all that matters to me for now.

I'm really glad that my annual leave is round the corner. I can really have the time to be at home and work on my character and lines. I feel that sometimes being so tired from work hinders me from practicing on my own.

At the end of the musical, I just wanna look back and be so darn proud of myself that I have broken through(if theres such a word).

God, please help me. I want a breakthrough desperately.

Bad To Work Tomorrow!

Woohoo! Had an awesome weekend! I finally had a whole weekend to enjoy after a long time! Yay! I just need to work for another full week and two days before my annual leave!! Finally! Taking a long good break since I started work! But it will be all dedicated to musical rehearsals. Heh. Nevertheless, I'm still gonna make room for shopping. I need to SPEND SPEND SPEND!!!

Last night I attended ShaoYu's 21st birthday celebration! The venue very much reminded me of the parties the girls from Gossip Girl would go. Hehehe. Just didn't have the time and energy to dress glam enough. Heh...

Mighty 4 of us! :D

The NYP Homecoming casts who attended!!!

My darling SiShi :D

The usual bunch of us!! After 4 years we still see each other!!

Woke up today with scenes of me acting in one of the scene of the musical. I think I got the inspiration! So simple! All I had to do was to visualize! I tried practicing at home already, I hope I can portray it really well during the rehearsal tomorrow!! OMG SO SCARY! Less than a month to showtime and we are not even halfway done! :O I need to rely more on God's strength. God, if You have placed me through this, it means You know that I can do it well!! Yes, I will have a breakthrough!!!

I CAN DO IT, YES I CAN!

:(

One of the days I find out that I cannot work under pressure and with a heavy workload. Sigh. Really shows how incompetent I am :/ Really hope I can improve and work darn well! Buck up Maria, buck up!!!

Photoshoot tomorrow! Gonna be a tiring day! Well, a least JCI is over! To be honest, I kinda teared a little when everyone in the auditorium applauded each other for the hard work. Wow, I feel so belonged in this organisation. Or maybe I was just being extremely emotional. Heh....

Sleep is my best friend :)

JCI and Rehearsals!

Wooooo! It's been a really crazy because I was/am required to work from Monday to Friday mornings this week! It's no joke when you have rehearsals on Monday and Wednesday evenings where I would usually reach home at 12plus and only sleep for a good 4 hours! At least for now I only have one more day to work before my FULL WEEKEND! WAHUHUHUHU!

A lil sneak peek of my character :P

So for the past few days, I've been struggling to memorize my lines. Not only that, trying so, so hard to get into character :/ Sometimes I think I'm a really lousy actress. Can't even pick up different roles. Still, I think I will be darn good in being the ensemble cast for Wicked. HAHAHA! Just that my dancing isn't that fanstastic...

But seriously from then, where will I go? :) Where will this path take me? I'm really excited and I hope I will be given more and more opportunities to perform. Ya, thinking of it already makes me feel so excited!!

Tomorrow will be the end of JCI(audit thingy). Finally, all the preparation we have gone through will be worth it! So far, I have attended 2 of the debriefs by the JCI committee and what I can see really is the great teamwork by all the staff from KK! It's really nice to see all the departments gathering together and cheering each other on! :) ONE MORE DAY! We can do it! :) And of course I hope we will get it because I really want to belong to a hospital with such good standards. Not forgetting the incentives ;)

So yeah!! I'm learning to treasure my sleep more! :)

Love

It's really funny how I long to be in musicals with a role that requires me to fall in love. But too bad, I have yet to have a chance, unless you want to consider "Summer Nights" that I did with Fadzly. But to me it's not counted cos the song is abit cheesy. Hahaha.

Without "gambling" your heart away, acting in love is the best way to feel love. Really. Okay I know I'm a loser, haha. Cos I have never experienced such love before. What's more, I can sing it in a song, have a really romantic backdrop, be really pretty and hold those hands. You know, how we imagine love is VERY different from reality.

During rehearsal today, I was totally mesmerized when they did "Endless Love". But if I was given a chance, I think I would act and respond way better than her. HAHAHA! Not saying that she is lousy or what but I can totally feel it man. It's like inside I've been dying to fall in love.

I don't think it's wrong to fall in love. Everyone deserves it. Will it happen to me? God knows. And I leave it all to Him.

At the meantime, I can still dream to play a role that can fall in love in a musical one day...

"Two hearts that beat as one, our lives has just begun..."

Happy Weekend!

More like a happy Saturday! Heh.. So Sidney came over to LifeUnited! Well, I might have overreacted the moment he stepped into the room. Okay, it's not because I have a girly crush(like other typical girls~) on him on whatever. But I just could not believe my eyes! Someone like me, would have the chance to share the stage with someone so big making music for God! It really shows how God can still use this small church to do His works!

Love the music team :)))

Some other people awesome people to share :)

Roy and Elson! I'm really looking forward to the greater LifeUnited adventures with them!!!!

And dear KerYuan, who has changed so much!! Happy to see her really connected to God and serving so actively in the house of God!!!

I can't wait for our 1 year Anniversary. There's definitely so much to look back to. Ultimately, God is amazing. With so little we have, we are still able to run a church! I'm REALLY excited of what's ahead! WOOHOOO!!

November

Oh my goodness!! 2 more months before the year ends! Time flies man, time flies... There's so much to reflect about. Basically I would wanna share 3 aspects of my life that occurred this year!

1) Moving to LifeUnited.

So, last Saturday was already the 38th service (yes, we treasure every single service) since 12 February. I remember in January that I was seriously in a dilemma if I should go or not. And I (anyhow) made that decision to be part of this new church! I can proudly say that it was a decision that I did not regret! It was painful letting go of so many things back there. But sometimes you just gotta let go in order to grab something even better. The main takeaway that I have learnt during the services is that I am graced to be where I am right now. I need not do any extravagant to earn His love for me because God has already loved me and all I need is to be thankful.

2) My career in KKH.

I am very happy to be where I am right now! Even though working as a new staff had many ups and downs, I am still here, alive! I am very thankful for the favour upon me. Well, I hope the favour is because of my attitude and how well I am able to work. I am not perfect though. I still make mistakes. I still struggle with the carelessness in me. But that's okay. Everyday when I step into the ward, I learn something new about work and myself.

3) Having 5 major performances in 2011.

Everyone knows that I would give up anything just to perform :) 'Our Tampines Story', 'Great World Family Fun', National day shows for Woodlands and Tampines have all given me so much experience and exposure on acting/singing. And I owe it all to Uncle Terrence! It's like why on Earth he would choose me. My acting is seriously bad. I have no background in acting. But he just never gives up on me. Even for 'Homecoming' in December, he just believes that I can play such a complicated role(well, to me it's really complicated). And I never wanna let him down. Over the past few days, I've been practicing really hard on the bitchy role. I hope I can show it good for tomorrow's rehearsal!!

Will there be more next year? I don't know. But I am already awed by all the opportunities given to me this year :)

Yeah, so that's my 2011 for you. The thing I'm looking forward to before 2012 is my year-end bonus. WAHAHAHAHAHHA! Jeez! I am sooooo money minded!