I guess everyone has to do it once in awhile, just to keep the flame alive. I just ended my night shift and I will be due for another one tonight!
In only one night shift, I got to share joy and sorrow with 2 of my patients.
One patient was told by the doctor that she could go home today and she was so happy that she almost broke down in tears! She looked at me and said, "Ma-li-ya!! Wo zhong yu ke yi hui jia le!". I held her hands and gave her the appropriate touch. I could feel so much joy from her!
Yet another patient somewhat nearby wasn't in a similiar situation. She was so uncomfortable and restless the whole darn night! She kept shouting in her room and it drove me nuts. She was totally insane. Well I can't blame her because partially the cancer has spread to her brain so I won't say that she is her usual self. I set some time for her and sat by her side. She would tell me, "Ma-li-ya. Zhe me ban?! Wo hen xin ku! Wo yao shang qu le. Ni men dou hen hao...." Etc etc etc. It's pretty scary when your patient knows your name and calls out to you in this kind of situation. You know erm, before, they, die.
I am glad that I was there for them :)
But my favourite group of patients will be the ones above 60. They are simply irresistably cute!! I have this ah ma who has totally no expression. When I asked her to smile, she would say she can't because she is very "kang kor". So I would sayang sayang her and she would sayang sayang back and sayang my face. And I can do the exact same thing 3 times a shift. Hehe.
Though I may not be extremely competent as according to my job description, I know the love to my patients are genuine. I hope that superceeds all the weaknesses I have.