Someway, somehow, this certificate ended up in my bedroom. It's probably the highest recognition/award a nurse could ever have. This belongs to one of the ex-NM who used to run the ward I am working in. And coincidentally, another ex-NM in my ward previously got this award too! Is my ward blessed or something? Haha.
My NM wanted me to bring this home to show my Dad. But I guess her being her, she just wants me to take a good look at it and be inspired by it. And me being me, I told her I ain't interested in such thingys.
After working for 2 years and 5 months, I feel that personal satisfaction is more important than any recognition around. So, the million-dollar question... Am I satisfied with myself? Nope.. Definitely not.... Yesterday, I was somehow reminded once again of how my character can sabotage me real bad at work.
I was kinda labelled by my senior staff as "the one who has a maid at home" just because I didn't happen to see the extra stuff hanging/lying around in my cubical. What's more, she whispered to someone else in front of me and then smirked at me. Truth be told, it hurts and it hurts real badly to have such words thrown to me in front of my colleagues and students around. I ran to my usual hiding place to release the tears I tried to hold back so much in front of everyone. I kept telling myself that it's ok... Everything's alright. I didn't want to attract any attention. I hope I didn't.
Sometimes, I do wonder... Am I really a joke? Everything that I say or do... Because I know how to crack jokes. Because I know how to make the ward a slightly happier place to work in... Must I then be treated as a joke? Why do I only get such treatment?
I guess the lesson learnt is if I become a senior one day, I have to be tactful in my words. Afterall, the whole point is to maintain the standard of the ward. Not to mock or despise my juniors around. And may I also encourage them every time that everyone has their own weaknesses, so it's ok to make mistakes, work harder around their weaknesses and improve.
On an angsty mode: It's just funny how some people have no self-realisation. She could comment why the morning staff did not do some stupid system stuff for the PM and night shift. Then when she was on morning shift the day before, she didn't do the same thing. Or how she didn't return a certain thing when discharging patient, and how I had the politely remind her and settle it in the end. It would definitely be a different story if I left stuff out and if she realises it.
And because of all these, will I ever be satisfied with myself?? Maybe? Yes? One day... I guess.
And the certificate, thank you for staying by my bedside to let me think... I definitely do not want you and do not deserve to have you but you have reminded me to work with excellence and that God's grace and mercy is with me all the time :)