家后

Ter recently introduced this song to me as he will be singing it for the upcoming musical!~ I really love the feeling of this song... Also, one of my very cute and dear ah ma passed away :( So I guess this song will be in memory of her. Through this song, I could somehow feel the emotions of what ah ma went through. I will miss you smiling and acknowledging me when I pop by your bed ah ma :(

有一日咱若老　找无人甲咱友孝　我会陪你

坐惦椅寮　听你讲少年的时阵　你有外摮

吃好吃丑无计较　怨天怨地嘛袂晓　你的手

我会甲你牵条条　因为我是你的家后

阮将青春嫁置恁兜　阮对少年跟你跟甲老

人情世事已经看透透　有啥人比你卡重要

阮的一生献乎恁兜　才知幸福是吵吵闹闹

等待返去的时阵若到　我会让你先走

因为我会呒甘　放你为我目屎流

有一日咱若老　有媳妇子儿友孝　你若无聊

拿咱的相片　看卡早结婚的时阵　你外缘投

穿好穿丑无计较　怪东怪西嘛袂晓

你的心我会永远记条条　因为我是你的家后

阮将青春嫁置恁兜　阮对少年就跟你跟甲老

人情世事嘛已经看透透　有啥人比你卡重要

阮的一生献乎恁兜　才知幸福是吵吵闹闹

等待返去的时阵若到　你着让我先走

One day, when we get old

And there's no one to gather around 

I'll be accompanying you, sitting next to you

Listening to your endeavors from your younger days

I don't care for fancy meals

Neither do I play the blaming game

Your hand, I'll hold so tightly

Because I am always behind you.

I spent the best time of my life married to you

I followed you from young to old

Life's stories, I have seem them all

Who can be more important than you

I dedicated my life to our family

And learnt that happiness comes from silly bickering

When the time of departure comes

I'd let you go first

Because I cannot bear to leave you in tears for me....

One day, when we get old,

With our children around us

Should you get bored, let us go over our picture albums 

Look at how handsome you were at our wedding

I don't care for fancy meals

Neither do I play the blaming game

Your heart, I'll always keep it on my mind

Because I am always behind you.

I spent the best time of my life married to you

I followed you from young to old

Life's stories, I have seem them all

Who can be more important than you

I dedicated my life to our family

And learnt that happiness comes from silly bickering

When the time of departure comes

You'll have to go first

Because I cannot bear to leave you in tears for me.

I ought to post something

I ought to post something :/

Thoughts of an ordinary nurse

"Before her family came, I could mourn and even whine a bit to her on her death. But when her family arrived, I had to put up an act and pretend that her death did not affect me a single bit."

"We are all trying to work here. We are professionals. So, who are you to doubt our skills?"

"Sorry for missing out the IV medications. I really did not mean to :/"

"I tried my best to listen to your cries. But sigh... I guess I am really not so good in talking. But I do hope you do feel my concern and support by being by your side..."

"Today was a tough shift, but I know I will miss these little moments when I go to school."

"From this shift, how can I improve to be a better nurse?"

Things Change

Today, I reached my breaking point. I had it. I had enough of all these nonsense. I know I was emotional, but having the thoughts of breaking my bond, withdrawing from my uni, resigning, hoping that I will just get into a road accident proved that I could no longer take it anymore.

Where is my love for work? I still remember, being happy. Happy to be involved in hospital related events, enthusiastic about international audits, wanting to help the hospital and uphold the name. Always being the first few staff to come to work. Staying back to help or run some errands. I didn't mind doing all these then. I was happy.

I was reading my previous blog entries years back... All I wanted to do was to improve myself so much and love my patients. But my current situation does not seem to allow me to do so. I feel horrible. I dread work now. Hate to see the people who knows how to talk but does not do any action.

What makes things worse is that you can act as if nothing happened. I really applaud your excellent drama skills. After so much that we have gone through together, you can just shake me off and treat me as if we are strangers, or simply just normal colleagues. I feel disgusted with that behaviour. I really do. It's like all the we've been through together does not matter anymore. The long talks we had, the little favours I helped you with, the times where I would just sit at your place and stare at the TV to be with you at the lowest point of your life. Nothing... They all mean nothing now.

I don't know what will go on from here... I remember telling myself, to love you unconditionally. No matter what. But I didn't mean it this way. It's like I rather you give me lousy grades for appraisal but still treat me as someone you love.

I hate you. I despise you.

Miserable

That is what I am feeling right now...

It's so true, that the person you love so much affects you the most. What have I done wrong? You had hurt me, but why does it feel that I am the one hurting you?

I remember 2 months ago, I was so afraid of losing you. All I wanted to do was to be by your side, and go through the tough times with you. Which I did. And now, the thought of you makes me feel miserable.

Sometimes, I feel that I am being "used". You don't care how I feel about you and you seem to approach me only when you require help from me. But I promised to love you unconditionally. I am not asking for much. I just want you talk to me.

That's all.