Am I supposed to lead this life?

I was just riding home and was thinking that I would need to go to NUH for my school's palliative attachment in 2 weeks' time. I was then reminded of some 8 years ago when I had my very, very first posting in an Oncology ward. When I had just started out my nursing studies, I used to have the perception that Oncology is something "dirty". I don't know where the word came out from haha. The staff nurses in that ward also wore badges that wrote, "Proud to be an Oncology nurse". At that moment, I was thinking how could anyone say that?

Initially wanting to be a paediatric nurse, I signed up to work with the hospital I am in now. However after my paediatric posting, I did not really like to entertain parents and their nonsense. I also grew to love the old through my different attachments. I still remember having my first hospital tour of my current hospital as a student, and I remember saying, "How nice it would be if I could work here." when we walk passed by my current ward. You see, my ward would have a higher rate of elderly in the hospital because cancer occurs more in old people. I don't know if it was God's plan or of it was God's plan. I was posted to that exact same ward for PRCP. I kinda forgot about this thought until days after the results of my posting!

Fast forward, I have graduated with an advanced diploma in Oncology. I have met so many cancer patients and bade my farewells to them. From wanting to be a Nurse Clinician, I now desire to manage a nursing home/hospice in the future.

Volunteering in the hospice really opened up my heart and mind. I did not pay much attention to the hospice until I had my posting there during advanced dip. I thought that what they did was so meaningful.. I felt good when one of their staff shared about their big move to their new building at the end of this year. They way she put it was that many prayers were answered, and thanking God the move would be on schedule etc etc.

I could sense that all they wanted was a place to provide palliative patients a place to rest, rather than wanting to make money. I hope that in the future, I can bring this attitude to my colleagues and subordinates. That we genuinely would want to meet the needs of our patients and deliver care with compassion.

I don't know why but I feel so happy thinking such thoughts. As you know, I'm not the gentle gentle soft spoken kinda person people often stereotype nurses as. But strangely, I have this soft side of me that I often wanna hide from the people I know. Heehee.

I hope that I will be able to share more personal stuff here so that I can look back one day and smile to myself :)

God, what's next? Bring it on!

I hate this feeling :(

I don't really know how much I affect you. But you affected me so badly. I can't help but to think over our conversation that night. I really wanna know how you are feeling right now(well, you posted something so emotional online right after our conversation). At the same time, it seems that you always think that I am in the wrong. Are you entirely correct all the time? Is it wrong to react differently from you in certain situations?

At times like this, I like to do things to distract myself. I want to show to you that I am not affected a little bit at all. But when I stop, that dull feeling keeps coming to me.

I even dreamed of you in my nap. The scenario in the nap was not really that appropriate, as it was the feeling of a couple fighting, and getting back together. Do I love you that much? Argh. Ok, stop thinking about it! I cannot help but to feel so much burden.

I hope all these will be over soon. This is one reason why I don't really want to work with you. I fear that it will destroy our friendship. I just want to be the simple ME, doing superficial stuff, not being responsible over things, with no room for you to comment on me. Yet at the same time, I enjoyed the moments we did well as a team and the time spent with each other...

Talk to me, please.

Brisbane/Gold Coast 2016

Ok, I know I have been back for more than 2 weeks already. Pardon me for the delayed post! Heh heh... This trip has been a "normal" holiday, yet something eye-opening to me. I guess what I enjoyed most was observing how is it like to be a student overseas. If there's one thing I regret in life, it would be NOT applying for uni overseas :( Maybe I can take my masters overseas perhaps?

Freddy's friends are amazing, even though I only spend 2 short days with them :) Love the singing session with them! Hehehe.

I also had the chance to meet up my good old playmate Ying Hui who has been studying there for almost 5 years already!!! That's nothing but COOL! Not forgetting, she has her own car. Hehehe. It's like she's a mini-MO already!

A mandatory shot with the Brisbane sign.

After "boring" Brisbane, we made our way to Gold Coast. Kinda shiok that we stayed really near Surfer's Paradise!!! Love the beach and the sea breeze!!!

This is where we had all our breakfast and dinner~ The most amazing view one could have!! 27th floor with a city and beach view!! I strongly recommend this airbnb place!!

So we went to the usual Movie World, Sea World and Wet n Wild....

Almost everyday, I could not help but to visit the beach.

Beautiful sunset :)

Many people have been commenting that I have been going on multiple holiday trips since I started school. But it's gonna stop here until I go to UK in June! Getting BROKE!!! I hope I won't get exhausted @_@

#ciaandroywed

I had so much fun during Elicia and Roy's wedding and I owe it to all these people!!! :D From morning's gatecrash playing the role of bridesmaids and groomsmen, to the wedding lunch of performing, helping out at AV side, sound, video and reception, we all played out part well!! Really, a fantastic group of people to work with!! Hehehe! Honestly, I would love to go through that day once again :P

Can't wait to see how the offcial photos would turn out. Heehee.


Me in action!! The very first bridesmaid to be the videographer? ;)

My favourite scene in the video!!

Managed to get a pretty shot with Val!!! Muacks!

I guess this is the wedding/event that I had the least number of shots, because I was so busy :( But luckily I got an OOTD shot after the wedding!~ :D This was the inspiration to make my slim down, but I guess I had gain weight when I was in Brisbane. Sigh sigh.

Pretending to be guests at the wedding but half the time we were all not at our tables :P

The cute and pretty cellist. We were performing in the same item AND we happen to wear the same colour! Wheeeee!! Much chemistry indeed!

They have really set the bar so high for wedding programme. But it's ok. MY WEDDING WILL BE BETTER MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA *this is meant in a funny and friendly way. I dont mean to be competitive and all that*

Ok next entry should be on my Brisbane/Gold Coast trip!

Pre-holiday thoughts

I'm on my way to Gold Coast on a budget airline so I figured that I better do some reflecting while I am alone with no on-board entertainment hahaha. Recently, there was news that a BBSS senior passed on. I didn't know him at all but I guess he was a biker who died from an RTA.

While riding (along Lornie Road I guess), I did wonder what if I got into an RTA one day. I guess this is something I cannot deny and run away from. And yes I did cheated death a couple of times because of some road bully assholes. But I thank God for His grace and mercy every single time. So... If I die, what are my last words or thoughts???

I think being an oncology nurse exposes me to death and made me rather open to it. I would say that I am really happy with my life right now(kinda). Hehehe. I mean, I've got the best job in the world, even though I keep complaining about it. I draw a reasonable pay. I get recognised as a devoted staff. Even at this point, I achieved my dream of having my university course paid for. I also have regular opportunities to perform or do some gigs. And recently, help in event planning and running. I also have the best group of friends in every aspect of my life. Heh heh. It's too "colorful" until I do say that I feel tired. Even pastor who more or less knows about my life tells me that people are wanting to be in my place. Really meh? Haha.

Ok maybe what's lacking is the love of my life. HAHA. Yesterday, Erick and Ter were so sweet. Saying nice things to me, that I'll make a good partner and all. I was sharing with them, in the past I would feel apprehensive if someone were to introduce someone to me. But now, I guess i am pretty open about it. Maybe it's because I decided to let him go heh. Well in any case, God has planned it all out for me. When I meet you, I guess I will have so much things to share with you :) Oh no, I hope I won't be a perfectionist or something :/

After this holiday and the wedding saga, I would be more free! Hooray! Oh yes! I'm going to start volunteering in Assisi Hospice soon! Will be doing van duties and day care for a start. Hope this experience would be awesome.

Ok, that's all I have to say about my life for now. It's a little short but mind you, I just handed in 5000 words of academic stuff.

God's Love

This song has been on my head recently... It is from a musical, and I do hope that my life would fall in place just like this song...

All through these years I waited patiently to meet him

My heart an open door each day I long to greet him

Now I'm grown, the years had made me wiser

Love is more than wishing on the stars above

God is love, and love's a gift He's planted

In the hearts of those who pledge themselves in love

My prince will come whenever God sets the time

Hearts will then beat as one like verses in rhyme

O Lord, You know me and my place

You plan it all in wondrous ways

Whoever is Your choice for me

You already know his face

Yes, you have seen his face

Elicia's Hens part & HK Trip!

Since I started school, my life had been quite settled down. But recently, I am starting to get busy @_@ Well, that's the life of Maria. Call me crazy, but I am so motivated to blog now when I have my exam in 2 days' time and my essay submission in a week *applause*

Anyway I wanted to blog about my super long weekend. It started with Friday :D Elicia's hens party was a staycation in South Beach Hotel!! Awesome and pretty place to stay! Location was perfect also!!! Both of us met up first to enjoy the facilities while waiting for the rest to knock off from work. Heehee.

When the rest came, we headed to Ikoi Restaurant. It was a little surprise for her! YUMMY! We were quite happy that the bride-to-be was craving for Japanese food!

Since I had Roy's Sony alpha 7 camera, we could stop taking photos!

Soon, we headed back to the hotel and played some drinking games. We were pratically high on Moscato. That was my favourite part of the night!! Hehehhee!

Having our games with drinks and desserts by our side. Best combi everrrrr.

So we stayed up till 3am. Went to sleep at 3.30am @_@ Woke up at 6.30am to catch my flight to Hong Kong! Woohoo!!! Hmmm, I shall allow the pictures to do the talking :)

Since Kenni is working there, he brought us around to eat really awesome food. OMG!!! The char siew there is the best I have ever tasted! Though, I don't have any photos of it heehee. Settled in a cafe in Central.

Me & Ter at Central Harbour. Lovely sun. But it was too hot to be cold :(

The boys looking to tall and cool!!

This is where our photoshoot series started. At Causeway Bay, Times Square :) Hong Kong is a place that never sleeps! The streets are always so bright! And cafes never close. I was walking around with Ter at 2am and the streets are still so crowded!

And since Judy was in HK as well, we could not help but to meet her for supper!! Hehehe (^_^)v

What's going to HK without taking a photo in their MTR station? Heehe.

Our last night was spend in Victoria Harbour. Our holiday ended too soon :(

This shot was taken with the Minolta lens. LOVE IT! Please ignore my tummy hehehe.

Our last dessert. Look at my happy smile when I sit in between these 2 lovely boys! Oh man, I miss Kenni's "If you eat this..." jokes :'(

This group photo sums up our trip!!

 Oh my. I had a good time. So, I BETTER BUCK UP ON MY WORK NOW! Okthanksbye.